VOTE: The 10 Most Brutal Dates In Malta
A while back we asked you to submit your nightmare dates, and boy did you deliver! But your worst days are behind you as the Corinthia Hotel St. George’s Bay is here to offer you the perfect remedy to any situation – a luxury weekend break at their hotel and a free, fancy dinner at the Broadside Terrace.
So, without further ado… here’s our top ten shortlist of stories. Read them and weep – and don’t forget to vote for your favourite in the poll at the end of this article!
‘Talk about drawing the short end of the stick’
I matched with a guy on Tinder who, according to his selection of close-up shots, looked pretty good. He was alive and had a beard and tattoos, so he ticked the only three boxes on my list. We arranged to meet at a bar, and I was new to the dating scene so I was extremely nervous.
I walked into the bar and had a look around, I couldn’t see him anywhere. Just when I was starting to think I’d been stood up, a tiny little man jumped off his bar stool and introduced himself. He no more than 4 feet tall. His choice to post only close-up shots suddenly made sense. I panicked as images of a tiny chihuahua humping my leg flashed into my consciousness, but I decided to see the date through.
We had a brilliant time in the end but sadly, due mostly to the constant, invasive dog-humping imagery, we never rode off into the sunset together on a tiny little Shetland pony – instead we settled on becoming great friends.
If you liked this story, vote for no.1 below.
‘Can you say: serial killer potential?’
My friend set up a blind date for me. All in all my date was quite handsome, and seemed normal enough at first. I was wearing a short dress and high heels. As soon as we sat down to eat he said: “Your legs are beautiful, they look just like my mother’s”.
As if that wasn’t bad enough, he couldn’t stop staring at them throughout the whole meal, and I had never been so aware of the existence of my legs in my life. When he took me home, instead of asking to kiss me, he asked to touch my legs. From that day on, I’ve always covered up as much as I possibly can on first dates.
If you liked this story, vote for no.2 below.
‘Meet the parents’
A guy asked me to go to a concert with him, which sounded like a fun date all in all. I got dressed and arrived at the venue. When I did I realised he’d also brought his parents with him. I haven’t replied to his messages ever since.
If you liked this story, vote for no.3 below.
‘Maybe I shouldn’t have thrown the towel in the toilet’
I meet this guy and we immediately hit it off. We went for a date to this really cute, family-run restaurant. Despite being a five-foot Hobbit at heart, I didn’t want to look like a pig on the date so I figured I’ll eat something from before.
Stopping by a dodgy pastizzerija (mistake #1) I ate a chicken pie and head off to my date feeling somewhat less famished. We arrive and we’re talking and it’s all going great! While we’re waiting for the food to arrive I get the biggest cramp of a lifetime. Being a woman, I’m not new to cramps but damn, this felt like a thousand cheese graters were having a go at my intestines.
I excuse myself, and head to this small bathroom that is shared between all patrons. Long story short, the chicken pie wasn’t a fresh one, and I was stuck in that toilet for 30 minutes; all the while panicking cause there’s no way I can say this was just a long pee.
Just when I thought I was living a nightmare, I realise there’s no toilet paper. I’m freaking out and the only thing remotely close to a substitute was a small towel used for drying your hands. I figured I was desperate and I had no way out so I had to use that.
Feeling a little bit more relieved and utterly embarrassed I got up, only to realise that I reflexively threw the towel in the toilet. I was too far gone; I committed to the bit and decided to just flush it anyway (mistake #2).
The toilet obviously clogs up and now I’m dealing with rising levels of very dirty toilet water leaking down the floor. I panic, run out of the only toilet in the building, grab my things from the table, and with zero eye contact or words walk straight out of the restaurant.
If you liked this story, vote for no.4 below.
‘Romantic dinner for two… at Mater Dei’
One summer evening while out on a date we were totally surrounded by mosquitoes – no surprise there. One bit me on the mouth, and it began to swell so badly I was sure I had been stung by a bee. As my face continued to swell, and I began to look more and more monstrous we decided it was time I went to the hospital.
While there I had an allergic reaction to the medication they gave me and almost died. We spent the rest of the night in hospital – talk about a memorable date!
If you liked this story, vote for no.5 below.
‘As if the August heat wasn’t brutal enough’
I had just finished work in Pembroke and was about to go meet a girl in Siggiewi. She had already cancelled our date three times, so getting her to finally agree to meet was a huge relief for me. I spent 30 minutes travelling in the boiling August heat, sweating through my long sleeved shirt and suit pants.
When I got there she was with her friend, and before I could get a word in she told me she was breaking up with me, and that really and truly, we were never actually dating.
If you liked this story, vote for no.6 below.
‘A totally crap situation’
Throughout my teens I hung out at a bar whilst simultaneously crushing on the barman who worked there. Fast forward to 10 years later when we bump into each other… we start talking and he asked me out on a date (score!). He took me to one of my favourite Indian restaurants and we talked and talked until the restaurant had to close.
After such a successful date I suggested going to a bar I liked… and he admitted that he had booked a hotel room nearby instead. I must have look positively shocked because he immediately said he just wanted a nice place to have some wine. Unfortunately he found my one weakness and I said ok.
As we walked through the corridor of my room he seemed to be sweating and looking really uncomfortable. We got to the door but seemed to have a problem with the key as it couldn’t turn the lock no matter how much we jiggled it.
As I’m walking to get help from the reception I hear it – the loudest fart ever, followed by a never-ending stream of the worst sounds I have heard come out of a human being.
I turned around just in time to see that my worst suspicions had come true. I turned right back around and, worried I would lose my dinner, walked all the way down and out of the hotel. I still pity the housekeeping staff that had to deal with that first thing in the morning.
If you liked this story, vote for no.7 below.
‘Meeting her mum in Havana kinda killed the mood’
Two months after I started dating this girl we went to a club, where the first thing we saw was her mother, cheating on her father with another guy in the club. Obviously, this put a damper on the date and she ran out and I followed her. From that day on she never trusted me, and kept saying that guys can never be trusted alone. We ended up breaking up, but it’s fine – I still got to see her at every event she was coincidentally at for years after.
If you liked this story, vote for no.8 below.
‘Let me kiss you like you’re my bffl’
After meeting this guy for a drink, he spent the majority of his time talking (or rather rambling) about his guy friends and how much he enjoys spending time with them, and how when they’re all drunk they like to kiss each other – wait what?
That would have been (almost) fine if it wasn’t for the fact that he followed up that shocking “I kiss my male best friends” statement with “something like this” as he leaned in to try and kiss me!! It was too late for me to pull back, so I got to kiss him like I was his drunk bestie – score!
If you liked this story, vote for no.9 below.
‘If we’re being honest, the chaperone didn’t do it for me’
I met a guy I matched with on Tinder in a bar. Turning up to the bar in the early evening, I found him already drunk and hanging out with his friend. This was gonna be awkward. I tried my best to act normal, whilst thinking of a polite exit excuse.
Before I could leave, however, my ‘date’ went to the bathroom, upon which his friend quickly turned around and told me that he was, in fact, my date’s social worker and he was only staying with us until he felt comfortable that he could leave him alone with me. Needless to say, things didn’t really work out between us.
If you liked this story, vote for no.10 below.