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12 Reasons Malta Could Become the Capital of Cannabis

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We’ve heard a lot about Valletta becoming the Capital of Culture in 2018. But on 4/20, we thought we’d ask ourselves: should Malta also become the Capital of Cannabis? Here are 12 reasons why we think it can make the grade.

1. Weed is basically already legal

Weed possession can’t get you into much trouble in Malta. The use of weed, and other drugs, was decriminalised last year. But while other drugs could get you sent to the Drug Offenders Rehabilitation Board, weed has been given a special exempt status. The law technically says you can be fined €100 (which is basically Malta’s way of taxing the stuff). You may also be kept in police lockup for 48 hours in the hope that you rat out your dealer. But as long as you only have up to 3.5 grams on you, that’s all that can happen.

2. We love Justin Trudeau, and guess what he loves?

When Canada’s Prime Minister Justin Trudeau visited Malta for CHOGM last year, everyone went mental – especially our government representatives who couldn’t stop taking selfies with him. One of the things that made Mr Trudeau incredibly popular with young voters was his pledge to legalise cannabis. He hasn’t managed to go the whole nine yards yet, but if we love him so much maybe we should make him proud and get there first.

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3. We love playing the pioneers

Remember the collective boner we had when we saw Malta’s name splashed all over the news for being one of the countries with the best laws on LGBT rights? We were pioneers for once and we loved it. Why not do it again?

4. We need a new industry for when the others go to shit

Let’s be honest. There’s always a possibility that we get screwed over by the EU on the laws that underpin our financial services and iGaming industries. And what if the property bubble eventually bursts? We need to start thinking outside the (hot)box. There is money to be made.

5. This could be our distraction from Panama Papers

Remember when Prime Minister Joseph Muscat reacted to Panama Papers by suggesting a debate on gay marriage? What he should have said was: we should have a national discussion on whether to become Europe’s Capital of Cannabis. That would have stumped Simon Busuttil, don’t you think?

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6. Public attitudes have become much more liberal

So ICYMI Malta didn’t have divorce until 2011. But then something happened and we suddenly became cool with everything. A recent survey by MaltaToday found that people are basically super fucking liberal now. Or something like that. So this is the next logical step, right?

7. Earth Garden could become an international weed festival

Earth Garden is an amazing summer festival that’s really only missing one thing: a mass smokeup led by some international reggae star on the Roots stage. Seriously, though. Imagine the people we’d attract from around the world if it was actually a legit weed festival.

8. Our roundabouts are really fertile

Remember when cannabis ‘saplings‘ were mysteriously found on a number of roundabouts? More of this please.

9. We’re like Amsterdam without the shit weather

Amsterdam is also pretty cool but let’s be honest, the weather is downright shit compared to Malta. And what’s better than getting baked in the sun?

10. We’re like Jamaica without the odd spate of gang violence

Jamaica is cool. Bob Marley is Bob Marley. But who wants to smoke in Jamaica and get caught up in some crazy gang violence? The worst thing that can happen in Malta is your dealer’s mother scolding you for not paying her slob of a son. There are benefits to being a nation of mummy’s boys.

11. We’re like Washington without the CIA

Washington legalised weed recently, as did a few other states in the US, but it just smells like a conspiracy. Everything does in a place which has the CIA. When you’re paranoid as fuck, this is the last thing you want to be thinking about. In Malta our popo are busy fighting birdcrime. They really don’t have time to waste with drugs.

12. We have amazing munchies

Happy 4/20

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