No matter the situation, breakups will always suck. Ending a relationship after you’ve invested so much of yourself is hard enough, the last thing you need are the added stresses that come part and parcel with the “breakup ritual”.
For those who have loved, and lost here are some stages that are all too familiar:
1. Wake up at 5am to change your Facebook relationship status to ‘single’
Because you can face telling people in person but this would just send you over the edge.
2. Delete any profile pics where you don’t look skinny/buff AF and change your profile pic at least twice weekly
For all those times your ex is scrolling through your photos…
3. Post daily selfies of you at Riviera with pop-philosophical quotes
For added effect, ask a friend to take a candid shot of you staring into the middle-distance while you suck in your tummy and apply the third layer of tanning oil to your legs.
4. Avoid every place your ex hangs out – i.e. don’t leave the house at all cos there’s nowhere else in Malta you can go
“I actually really enjoy my nights in ta” will become your staple tagline.
5. Try to find someone from your mutual klikka that will tell you if your ex is getting with someone new
And finding out that the new person is your cousin…
6. Make out with someone at Havana that you don’t care about and make sure your ex sees/hears about it
Partnered with an open-mouth laughing selfie of yourself having the fake best night of your life.
7. Scour your newsfeed for something that would merit chatting to your ex on Facebook because ‘this really reminded me of you istra!’
And then instantly go offline because you can’t face knowing if he/she has read your message and not answered.
8. Avoid Sunday at Nanna because you know someone’s going to ask you when you’re bringing your partner along next
9. Waste your best friends’ last two hours out on a Saturday night crying in the bathroom because your ex is with someone else
“Imma of all people her he had to go with madonna?!”