13 Maltese Restaurant Habits We Love To Hate
Fresh-frozen is not a thing.
Maltese people love eating out. We've never really grown out of our Roman phase. We pride ourselves on our delicious food and variety of restaurants, and whilst we are generally accepting of sub-standard service, we will always call out a disastrous dish. That shit doesn't fly here.
Here are a few common things that will often crop up whilst dining out in Malta. Whilst not complete deal-breakers – restaurants should take note.
1. Parsley Party
Don't get me wrong, parsley can be a fabulous addition to a variety of dishes. But is there a vegan wedding going on in the kitchen cuz this is straight up herbal confetti.
2. Crispy Vegetable Strings
Are they carrots? Shallots? Leftover vegetable peelings? Either way I don't remember ordering a deep fried bird's nest on top of my steak.
3. Balsamic Glaze
For the over zealous artistic chef. You've got your brown zigzags down and I can't say I'm not slightly impressed, but what if I don't want my lunch vandalised by vinegar syrup?
4. Wasteful "Side" Salads
There's a time and a place for salad. Glaring at me judgementally from the side of my burger and chips is not it. There's a reason there's no such thing as a "burger salad". Wait.
5. Chocolate Powder
I ordered a cappuccino not a warm milkshake. Mind you I love milkshakes – who doesn't? But I'm trying to be a grown-up now and my Nesquik days are over. Besides, there's a thing called a mocha.
6. "Parmesan" Cheese
You promised me Parmesan. This is Kefalotiri. Don't get me wrong I will completely make it rain over my cream based carbonara but why you always lying?
7. Soup Sins
I ordered fish soup. You've presented me with tomato soup with seashells in it and a lone, drowning prawn. Just depressing.
8. Gluten Spiking
If somebody's already asked if the salad or soup is gluten free they probs don't want croutons in it either. Unless they are gluten free croutons in which case high five.
9. Vegetable Sculptures
I came here for the crispy duck not the art exhibition. I am blown away by the skill but I'm not planning on eating this apple carved into a rosette on my cheat day.
10. Scrimping On Ingredients
I ordered a smoked salmon sandwich. I expect to get more than a slither of smoked salmon in said sandwich. That half a packet of Lidl crisps on the side doesn't make up for it. Put the price up or forget it altogether.
11. Bread Charges
Are you seriously taxing me for being Maltese? You know and I know that a preliminary basket of bread and butter is free. You can't just change the law of the land like that. Also I know how much bread costs, I buy it all the time.
12. Salad Dressing
The order-ee is obviously trying to be healthy. Why sabotage their diet with one thousand calories worth of garlic mayo? #dietstartsmonday
13. Oversized Portions
I'm literally taken aback by your kindness thank you so much! But if this Flintstones sized portion is a "half rack of ribs" I'm so curious as to what kind of plates you use for a full rack. Also can I get a partial refund or a takeaway box for this kilo of uneaten penne please?
BONUS: Things we just love full stop.
14. Overly Cheesy Pizza
"But it's not the proper Italian wayyyyyyyyyyyy".
IDGAF, I'm not Italian.