By now a lot of us have already given up on our New Year, New Me diet plans and only a select few are clinging onto the last shred of dietary dignity by just counting calories.
Well, we’re here to help you out with that by offering a new perspective on calorie counting. Here’s to all the smug looks we’re about to make possible through some fun facts about calories and Maltese snacks.
P.S. We do realise this is mostly bullshit intended to make us feel less guilty and doesn’t take into consideration other unhealthy crap like sugar etc.
1. Downing Twistees at 7am will costs me less calories than your hipster breakfast
So fuck off with your avocado toast.
2. Remember that time when you judged me for bringing imqaret to work?
Yeah… you know where you can stuff your two bananas.
3. You know how you gave me that speech about soft drinks?
4. Don’t even try and give me the up-and-down look for this pastizz I’m eating at 11am
The toast mummy made you this morning is no better, bro.
5. No-one is impressed by your over-priced dried fruit that tastes like my flip-flop in August
Care for some bigilla though?
6. Yes, I am about to eat this ġbejna like an apple
And it will cost me less calories than your poncy-ass pot of keen-wah, or however the fuck you pronounce it.
7. Yes, I would rather eat one qassata over two days than a double-bill of boiled chicken
Anyway, everyone knows spinach is super healthy…