Malta’s size and serious overpopulation means that, like it or not, we’ve all got neighbours to deal with. Whether you live in a flat, or Malta’s largest villa, you’ve still got to deal with people who seem to disagree with you on literally everything. Here are some of the more common types of Maltese neighbours:
1. The Noise Polluters
You’re essentially an honorary member of this family – you’ve heard every single conversation they’ve ever had anyway.
Regardless if it’s Nanna’s birthday coming up, or the retelling the argument they had ma tal-ħaxix, you can’t help being updated with every single detail of their lives. This is to say nothing of their children’s late night playstation habits and questionable choice in music.
2. The Help
If you’re one mushroom short of the perfect risotto, never fear – these neighbours are just a shout down the bitħa away! They’ll have whatever you need, any time of the day.
Even if you haven’t seen their five dogs, three cats and a shitload of birds – you’ve certainly heard them.
4. The Private Investigators
Constantly on watch from behind their curtains, these neighbours will know everything about your life. But don’t flatter yourself, they’ll do the same for everyone within one square kilometre.
5. The Organisers
When they’re not trying to get everyone in the neighbourhood together, they’re throwing massive gatherings for every group they’re sort-of part of.
6. The Creep
You know who we’re referring to. They wander about, always looking like they’re up to no good. No one really knows what they do, but really and truly, no one wants to know.
They never stop remodelling their house, and the work usually starts at 6:00 am sharp.
8. The Fight Club
Honestly, how are the two of them still living together? At least they’ve taught you a few colourful insults along the way.
9. The Still-Not-Over-It
Five years ago you fell out with this particular neighbour, and you haven’t spoken since. Whenever you see them you have to give them a shady look which you hold till you’re sure they’ve seen it. Only then can you move on with your day.
10. Ġesu, Ġuze, Marie
Sporting way more kids than they can feed, you’re not sure if your head hurts from the noise, or having to imagine how the hell anyone can pop out so many children.
11. The Invisibles
You’ve never seen these people, and the one time you think you might have you’re completely thrown because they look nothing like you’ve imagined.
12. The Gossip Girls
The most entertaining, but equally unreliable, source of every rumour in your block. You love them cos they’re fun, or so you think until the rumour is suddenly about you.