We can all agree that a friendship isn’t really a friendship until it’s been christened by incoherent, drunken chat. We don’t even know the truth about ourselves until we are thoroughly żibel enough to reveal our inner most hopes and illicit dreams. But that’s not enough really, we have to tell everyone – everyone at this bar!
Here’s every conversation that every drunk Maltese person has had in their life…at least once:
1. “Can you keep a secret?”
You ask Sarah (your one hour-long friend) before telling her about the time you slept with your best friends’ ex. She’s nannu’s secretary’s cousin…so – totally trustworthy.
2. “Why aren’t we closer?”
You think as you squeeze hands with the guy you met standing next to you in the queue at the kebab shop.
3. “Can you hurry the fuck up?”
Every toilet. Every time.
3. “You know what that person did to me ten years ago?”
“Bis-serjeta?! Le le mhux sew. You’re better than her qalbi” – is the only correct answer. Otherwise our drunk best-friendship is over.
4. “You think I should text Jason ghid?”
Why don’t you wait until tomorrow when you–No? Okay. Well I’m sure it will be very different from last week.
5. “I think you’re amazing, vera.”
You’ve been there for me through everything in the past three months that I’ve known you. I’m also really proud of all your achievements. Let’s drink this shot now.
6. “Maaa remember when…”
And then inevitably tell someone about when their cousin got with their ex. It’s not a secret ta, they had told me once on a night when we were drunk.
7. “Aw guys let’s get some food.”
Is the only way to end it all.