We Maltese people are revered for our culture, traditions and stereotypes. OK, maybe not that last one, but as every local can confirm, we make just as much fun of stereotypes about us as we do about the latest Game Of Thrones screw up *cough* extra hand *cough*.
These stereotypes often include situations that we’re either terrified of, or make us feel incredibly nervous. So without further ado, here are eight very Maltese things that will send a shiver down all our backs.
1. Having to say ‘no’ to nanna’s food
We’ve all been there.
It’s family dinner night and you’re stuffed with chicken and roasted potatoes, but then you hear the one thing that you’ve been dreading of since putting down your fork: “Ħu iktar patata!”
Now you have the 20-minute battle of “I’m full but it was really good” and “Have more, kważi ma kilt xejn!” before you finally give in because there’s no winning against a nurturing nanna.
2. “Smajt x’qal Muscat?”
Oh no, politics.
It’s a public place, so there are opinions galore, and you aren’t quite sure who these people support. You could remain neutral in the discussion but the Maltese blood is taking over and you disagree with what they’re saying and, and, and…
3. Staring at the Tal-Linja app
This point is brought to you by the hours taken off my life by going “Oh it’s still 20 minutes away, I have time. Wait now it’s 6, I gotta run or else I’ll miss it and, why is it 10 now? OK where has it gone? Was it abducted by aliens? I think it was abducted by aliens. Might as well go get a coffee before the next one. Shit there it is! 2 minutes omg… Phew I made it, now I just have to wait and… it drove straight past me. I hate everything”
Or maybe that’s just my experience and you just get mad when it comes late, but either way it is st-ress-ful!
4. Random conversations with strangers
While I’m sure this one is universal, given how politically-charged and opinionated Maltese people are, there’s always that inane fear whenever some sweet old lady strikes up a conversation with you in the line at PAMA.
And don’t get me started on that painful small talk.
5. Committing mild human trafficking on the Gozo Ferry
Simmer down FBI; we’re just talking about that totally relatable feeling of nervousness you get when you drive up to the ticket booth at the Gozo Ferry hoping they don’t notice that your friend is hiding under a blanket in your boot.
If you haven’t tried this one before, I suggest doing it quick before the police catch on and start checking. Or you know, just don’t do it ever? Please?
6. Visiting any government centre
Have you ever been waiting in line or filling out paperwork at literally any government agency and feel the overwhelming need to not screw anything up in front of a picture of the president?
Stop lying Jessica, we’ve all been there and we all hate it.
7. Phone surveys
Again, this one is quite universal, but Malta goes above and beyond with the frequent phone calls about which political party or politician you support.
This combines three of the worst things in life; unexpected phone calls, human interaction and opinions. Eeesh.
This one takes no explanation.
Be it roundabouts, parking, potholes, traffic or that one ass who doesn’t know how to use his fucking indicators. IT’S RIGHT THERE AND EVERYONE USES IT, HOW COULD YOU POSSIBLY FORGET!
OK, this one may have devolved into seething anger, but it still counts.
BONUS: Trying to deal with the weather
This one isn’t necessarily a situation, but we’ve all battled with the weather at some point or another, and quite frankly, we nearly always lose.