Things That Would Change If GTA Was Set In Malta

Beware of the cranes and bitch-slapping cops.

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Despite being just shy of three years old, GTA V is still very much one of the most-played games daily. But with rumours about the next instalment already flying all over the Internet, let’s take a moment to imagine what adaptations would be found if Rockstar ditches the whole 'American city' thing and decides to set GTA 6 in Malta.

1. I Wish You Thrice You Wish To Me

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The flashiest car customization options available would need to be turned up to an 11 to be even remotely realistic for the Maltese adaptation.  

2. Infinite cars, infinite traffic 

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Sure, you don’t have to play by the rules of the road in the game (as we're sure you've never done), but if the developers are going for that authentic feel, they're gonna need to programme in a much higher traffic spawn rate.

3. Good luck flying

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If you’re already suffering to fly an (in-game) plane or helicopter, this installment is not for you. Imagine how tough it would be trying to navigate Malta’s crane forest. Sliema? Absolute no-fly zone.

4. Night of the Hunter DLC

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Hunting has already been introduced in the latest GTA editions but GTA 6: Malta would definitely need to pull out all the stops and make it an integral part of the game.

5. Polijs Fors

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The police's AI in games like GTA has come a long way (and still has a longer way to go), but if we’re going to have an accurate representation of Malta, the game developers will need to dumb everything down all over again. Expect maybe the bitchslap technology - that'll require a lot more research.

6. Turf wars galore

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The game series makes no effort to hide the gritty reality of gang violence that still occurs on a daily basis in American cities. But with a relatively quieter island, the game developers would need to improvise, perhaps by making it either political or religious – we’re surrounded by it anyway, and it would be quite interesting to watch a Tamlin vs Tal-Miskina fully-fledged gang war explode online.  

BONUS: Radio Stations

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This is where the game developers need to be very careful, and extremely creative. There are 19 radio stations currently available in GTA V. In Malta, we have about four that almost qualify. The good thing is that no one would mind hearing the same songs in the same order looped forever because that’s pretty much what happens every day anyway.

What other changes should Rockstar keep an eye out for? Let us know in the comments on Facebook!

READ NEXT: Why Maltese Cooking Is Just Better

Written By

David Grech Urpani

Sarcastically ironic, Dave is a recovering hipster musician with a penchant for chicken, women's clothes and Kanye.

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