Malta has its fair share of moments that make you think “oh bother” – but once in a while you come across a feeling that is so very Maltese, but still so very pleasing. Here’s our list completely asexual arousing Maltese moments.
1. The first bite of a pastizz after a heavy night out
It’s so warm, it’s so tasty – it’s so full of fats mopping up the poison flowing through my veins!
2. Taking off your pants and shoes after PV
Well, taking off, bursting out of – same difference.
3. Standing up after a never-ending prietka in mass
You were sure your legs wouldn’t function properly after sitting on that wooden bench for so long.
4. Seeing a car leaving a parking space in Sliema
Kind stranger, if I could kiss you I probably would.
5. Feeling the first cool breeze blow in through a hot car
You can’t touch the steering wheel, and the seatbelt has already burnt your hand. But as you drive out of your parking space from hell, that first cool wave hits you, and it’s suddenly hard to focus on the road.
6. Realising everyone in the doctor’s queue is waiting for a different doctor to you
Sorry, min hu l-aħħar għal Dr. Sammut? Ħadd?!
7. Driving home and not encountering traffic once
A pleasure rarer than an indicator at a roundabout, but when it happens boy does it feel great.
8. Stepping into a well AC’d shop in the middle of summer
You know you have a mental list of shops to target/fake interest in when trapped in the summer sun.
9. Peeling off your sweaty shirt as soon as you get home
The fan’s breeze is suddenly so cold, it’s painful – but you wouldn’t have it any other way.
10. Successfully avoiding a distant family member at the supermarket
Because the last thing you wanted was an awkward conversation about how fat you are.
11. Leaving nanna’s house so full you might explode
It might seem like being this bloated is a problem, but realistically speaking – how bad can being full of incredibly tasty food (made entirely with love) be?
12. The first time you have sex and it’s not in a car
This is Malta, land of the teens/young adults who all live with mama. There’s no use pretending that there’s no vehicular bump’n’grind going on – everyone remembers the first time they rented a shitty apartment and enjoyed an evening not worrying about banging their S/O’s head against the car door/roof/window.