How To Spot Maltese People On A Cruise

...and where to avoid them when necessary.


Malta to Malta cruises are a popular vacation choice among the Maltese; no flights, different cities, constant entertainment and as much food and drink as your heart desires. And there's not much a Maltese heart desires more than food and drink. 

Here are a few simple ways to spot Maltese people on a cruise liner and how to avoid them if you'd like to feel as far away from home as possible.

1. #AllintheFamily!

What better holiday than a family holiday? And by family, I mean the whole family! Nanna, nannu, z-zija Tess mill-Awstralja, z-ziju Philbert li emigra lejn l-Kanada għoxrin sena ilu, Mary li għamlitilna l-flower arrangements tat-tieġ...


2. #FoodComa

The place one is most likely to spot a Maltese person is in the close vicinity of a buffet table. Ask any Maltese cruise-goer about their trip and the first thing they will tell you is '...kemm kilna!'. 

If we've paid for an all-you-can-eat, we will do just that (we take things quite literally) and won't stop until #foodcoma. However, when you're cruising with the glamorous, you don't want to out yourself as minn wara l-muntanji. Steer clear from such people.

'Daħħal erba' croissants fil-basket Clifford!'


3. #XalaLMaws

Living the YOLO lifestyle is fine as long as it's not at the expense of others. Every person there deserves to relax and have fun. Children splashing in the pool or driving others out of the hot tub because of their annoying behaviour is not cool. 

'Nagħmlu bomba Greg?!


4. #PrinjolataChic

Cruise dinners are particularly elegant events. However, the Maltese sometimes find it hard to find the correct balance between Onslo-style Abanderado vests bil-ketchup stains and Texas-Prom-Queen-Chic (minus the chic). Thus, they often show up to dinner nonchalantly under-dressed or inappropriately over-the-top.

'Ma nistax naqfel l-libsa tal-glitters ma, ħaqq għal-croissant li temmajtli!'

Effie T

5. #EjjaĦaNsiruPatataLilly

Due to the combination of an older clientele and the nature of cruiseliner itineraries, nightlife is pretty quiet on most luxury cruises. Generally, following dinner, passengers watch a show, socialise over a drink in one of the lounges or try their luck at the on-board casino. By midnight, most areas of the ship will be ghost town. 

Well, not if the Maltese have any say in it!

'Doqqli waħda 'Adagio for Strings'!'

Party Hard

6. #AgħlaqluWaħdaĦaNisma! 

We don't take shit from anybody, much less when it comes to important matters such as Bingo. Those two joined tables occupied by xeba uċuħ indannati hushing people? - Maltin dawk.


7. #HemmXiHamperJew

We are the life and soul of every party and competition. Be it a dress-up, karaoke or dance competition, you can bet your coupons there will be a Maltese person taking part/over. There's a thin line between the two and frankly, we couldn't care less. Hashtag in it to win it.


Tag someone who is #guilty of one of these or let us know any we've left out in the comments below.

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