The Six Maltese Stages of Being Drunk
1. Xrobtlu
This is the closest stage the Maltese have to ‘tipsy’. At this point, you may feel the need to admit you’ve gone slightly over your limit, but you’re still 100% in control (well, 90% …ish)
2. Patata
There isn’t much hope for context in the English translation of this one; the word simply means ‘potato’. The choice of wording here accurately represents the amount of sense you’re making by this stage – none.
3. Żibel
You’re a few drinks in, and suddenly your dance moves and texting skills take a turn for the worse, aligning perfectly with the only adjective they deserve: żibel (‘garbage’).
4. Ħara (literal translation: ‘shit’)
Ħara is as ħara does. An individual identifying as such is too far gone for complicated metaphors about refuse, let alone adding the ‘-faced’, to ‘shitfaced’.
5. Mandra
It’s often said that with the correct emphasis, any word can be used to describe just how drunk you were, and to exemplify this we have ‘I was pig-penned, my friend’ (kont mandra sieħbi). Most would think this phrase to be a metaphor for the dirty, dishevelled aura you now give off; but really it’s that everywhere, (including the farms you stumble past on your way home) looks like a comfortable place to spend the night.
6. Maħta
Being maħta (‘phlegm-ed’) is the moment when you lose all sense of who and where you are. To your friends you are nothing more than a booger clinging to the floor, kicking and screaming as they try to drag you away from tragic remains of the take-away you dropped in the middle of the road.
Bonus: Stikker mal-art
As you join your 3am meal on the roadside, the local council would like to thank you for embellishing our streets.
