President Donald Trump Advises Malta
Well, that’s that then. The people of the United States have voted for actual Donald Trump to rule their country. Lovin Malta was first in there at the Press Conference and asked him to share some Presidential words of wisdom on a few of our island’s current affairs. Here’s what he had to say.
On Eurovision
“Ira Losco? Great. Great woman. I’m a big fan. Probably one of the biggest. Real pretty too. Not as pretty as Melania though have you seen Melania? Wow. Now she’s got the makings of my 7th wonder.”
On Development
“Townsquare? A cottage. Have you seen Trump Towers? Great place. I think I’ll build another. I love building. Do you have building there? You should really get building.”
On The LNG Tanker
“That’s nothing. You should see my yacht. Boy oh boy. Now that’ll sink your battleship.”
On Multiculturalism
“Love it. Some of my best friends are Somalian. Not as great as Libyans though. Wow. I love Libyans. Or Mexicans. Great food. Absolutely.”
On Architecture
“Mosta Dome? Tiny. But I love domes. Love ’em. Definitely one of my favourite roof types. Actually I must remember that. Write that down for me will ya? I’m gonna build a dome.”
On Heritage
“Neolithic temples? I’ve had bank accounts older than that. I like what they did with the space though. Would make an excellent football ground- great goal posts. Do you have soccer there? Bottom of the league? Better start practicing in those temples then. Trust me, if there’s one thing I know about temples it’s that.”
On Business
“Hugo Chetchuti? Small time. You call that an empire? I know empires. I’ve probably got the biggest empire in history. The Romans? What did they ever do? I’ve been to Rome once, nice place. Small. Great pizza though.”
On Women’s Issues
“Morning after pill? More like morning after bill. Who do these women think they are demanding these pills. Oh it’s a basic human right? Well if it’s a basic human right give it to them the day before! A week before! That’s what I would do. And if there’s one thing I know about it’s what women want.”
On Politics
“Joseph Muscat? Love him. What a leader. What a President. Oh he’s not the President? Well he should be the President. Make that guy the President.”
“Simon Busuttil? Great guy. One of my favourites, really. That fence must be getting pretty uncomfortable to sit on though. He should build a wall.”
