6 Maltese South Park Characters

"F'gh*** ommkom, tlaqt id-dar jien."

Cartman Cover

South Park's impressive legacy has continued into its 20th season. While this new season seems to have managed to get South Park out of its slight slump in popularity that the show suffered a couple of years back, there's one thing that's surely still missing from any iteration of the show - a certain sense of elevated familiarity with the Maltese people. 

Sure, everybody feels a connection with Cartman, but what about some Maltese South Park characters? We're willing to bet these would be some of the protagonists of Sawt Park:

1. Josmar Redeemer Grech

20160915 094652 B53871D714E99C61F3Bcc718Bf54Fef3

A staple replacement for Kenny in the original series. Josmar Redeemer is as close to a hillbilly as we can get in Malta. Multiple scars to remind him of the fights he's gladly picked, and of course some extra (fake) leather to show the ladies he's hard AF.

2. Pippa Testaferrata DiAngelo Corporale Vella

20160915 095309 B6683F093A3Cf89E2818864F8B7E5D52

A free spirit who loves travelling around the world thanks to daddy's money. Will probably ironically feature in an episode with Josmar because she ends up falling in love with him "cause I can definitely fix him like"#shorthairdontcare #festival #wanderlust

3. Kenneth Dark_Angel_Psychosis_666 

20160915 095741 181728F544Ac64134Fa4Fb1185B37625

If you had to ask his mother, she'd tell you that Kenneth is a bright and kind boy who not only means the world to her, but also only wants to see everyone around him smiling.

If you had to ask him, Dark_Angel_Psychosis_666 will tell you that he's plagued by existence and that he's not particularly fond of the mortals around him except for the odd Chosen Ones he chooses to hang around with in their top secret lair.

All round, a nice kid, albeit greatly misunderstood.

4. Connie Buhagiar 

20160915 100106 B7A61Be6E50B59Ede503E43D093Ee497

As with most South Park characters, Connie is ten years old. However, she wants to fill her mother's footsteps already, and therefore acts like she's way older. Some people find this charming, others find it extremely weird and downright annoying. 

Her hobbies include make-up, dyeing her hair different shades of red, costume jewellery, (fake) cleaning the house and (fake) complaining about her spouse's laziness. 

5. Lyan Irie Jah Fyah

20160915 100435 Af7C969E0C18259B6A33235579Aa816B

The mellowest Rastafarian of them all. Well, we say Rastafarian; his real name is Christopher and he works in a white-washed office in a bank, but that's his fake persona. His real spirit animal is a barefoot fiery lion with a green, yellow, black and red mane. Plus hey - any variation of dreadlocks instantly makes you a part of a nearly century-old Abrahamic belief that comes from the other side of the world, right? Jah man.

6. Eustice 

20160915 101135 F8Ca312260Cc1B9633153Cc6C73191F2

They have no surname - surnames are so 2010. They also don't really have a gender - gender roles are justifiably blurred and only apply to former, unenlightened generations. They enjoy watching vintage B movies and commenting on how, against all odds, they are the perfect allegory of modern society and the decadence of mainstream media into nothingness. Hipster? They don't appreciate that moniker, thank you very much, you heathen peasant.

So, which one are you most like? Tag a South Park fan in the comments on Facebook!

READ NEXT: 7 Random-Ass Movies Shot in Malta

Written By

David Grech Urpani

Sarcastically ironic, Dave is a recovering hipster musician with a penchant for chicken, women's clothes and Kanye.