The 13 Emotions Everyone Feels When Dealing With A Cockroach Attack In Malta
Even the toughest of people will panic in the presence of cockroach they weren’t expecting. Dealing with one is a right of passage in the context of Maltese summers, and whenever you see one crawling about your house, the surge of emotions that takes place is universal.
1. Rage
Fuck you, cockroach – I had Comtec done five years ago, and I meant to call them again last week. You have no right to be here.
2. Terror
Where did you come from? Did you climb in from the shaft? Oh my god, is there a nest in my house?
3. Determination
This monster is just a fraction of my size, and you know what? I can totally do this. Your days are numbered, bug.
4. Fear
“Please have some bug spray left in the cupboard, please have some bug spray left…”
5. Relief
Great success! We have bug spray left over and it’s locked and loaded – time to send this beast back to its maker!
6. Self-loathing
HOW COULD I FORGET IT HAS WINGS? HOW DID I NOT REMEMBER THAT WHEN SPRAYED IT FLIES RIGHT AT MY FACE.
7. Acceptance
I will live out the rest of my life curled up on my bed, waiting for the sweet relief of death. The cockroaches will take over the known universe and this is just the way things are going to be from now on.
8. Hope
Those boots I caught out of the corner of my teary eyes may just be big enough to save the day. Time to give this whole murder thing one last try before packing it in, and moving to another town.
9. Apprehension
The cockroach is in sight, and my boots of crushing are securely in place. If I miss this jump, there is a chance the thing might actually touch me, and I garuantee my soul will leave my body.
10. Trust
I am now flying through the air, whether I land on the thing or not (and whether it dies, or I do) is now entirely in the hands of fate. I have played my role in this adventure and all I can do is trust that I’m meant to survive this encounter.
11. Disgust
Jesus, do they have to make such horrible squelching noises as they go. You’ve been defeated, you vile creature, your twitching legs mean nothing to me.
12. Pride
I did it! I did the thing most people manage without batting an eyelid! I am an adult everyone, I am the slayer of beasts!
13. Shame
Not only have you (sort of) needlessly killed a creature just going about it’s day, but you’ve also wasted four hours trying to do so, and screamed so loud your neighbours were worried (or at the very least, slightly annoyed).