Considering the extremely high rates of obesity in the country, it’s also interesting to see just how many Maltese people are into fitness. And with such killer views across the island, jogging is the obvious go-to for most people looking to get some much-needed cardio in their lives.
But it’s not a real jog till you’ve bumped into these people along the way:
1. The mummies
It’s never just one – they just cannot do their Sunday morning power-walk alone. Some of the more adventurous ones even come equipped with prams. If you’re lucky you might even catch a glimpse into the #firstworldproblem they’re currently experiencing – “Ma tgħid we should have parked the Qashqai closer?’.
2. The unamused, bench-bound oldies
Probably enjoying their weekly post-mass judgement session, these anzjani enjoy shooting dirty looks your way. Whether it’s your jogging route that’s blocking their pavement, or the scandalous nature of the lycra shorts you’re wearing – be prepared for the disdainful stage whispers.
3. The lurking creep
If you’re gonna leer, at least pretend to be subtle about it. No amount of blaring music can cover up the vast array of cat-calls that will be flung your way as you pass. And try as you might to pretend they’re licking their lips cause of the pastizz they wield in either hand, you know it’s not the case.
4. The jog-block tourist
‘Excusez-moi, can you tell me where the nearest supermarket-‘ DUDE, NO. If I stop now, my legs will go on strike. Ask the creeper staring at my ass.
5. The Engrossed Smartphone User
The Engrossed Smartphone User (ESU) isn’t particularly bothered about your cardiac health. If there’s a Salott argument to comment on, or a witty tweet to be sent, the ESU doesn’t care that the pavement is narrower than Taylor Swift’s waist – they aren’t going to budge.
6. The selfie-stick assassins
We wish this was a hilarious exaggeration, but once a group of teens has nearly decapitated you to take the perfect Snap, there’s no denying that this is a very real problem.
Somewhere on the internet is a group #SelfieWithTheGirls featuring a very traumatised and sweaty runner in the background.
7. The fellow runner
There character arcs they follow – the first type of runner is essentially a brother-in-arms. One with whom you exchange an ‘I feel ya, bruh’ nod every time you pass each other.
The other type is the runner everyone hates. The one who sails by gracefully, lapping your for the second time as you try not to collapse onto the ground. Just as your app announces you’ve hit the 5km mark and you’re all smug about reaching your goal, this runner will cruise by looking as fresh as you feel dead. The Beyonce of all runners, if you will.