As a person on the internet, you’ve probably heard about Donald Trump – and if you’ve heard of Donald Trump then you’ve certainly heard some of the stupid shit he’s said over the past couple of months.
We often feel a strong sense of relief that Trump isn’t running in Malta, but what would his speeches sound like if he was after the seat of power in Castille?
Have your say! Who would you vote for in the US election?
1. He’ll come up with a fantastic solution for a tired debate
“I will build a bridge. I will build a great, great bridge on our channel, and I will make the Gozitans pay for the bridge.”
2. He’ll stay humble
“The beauty of me is… I’m rich! I could pay off PN’s debts and run a campaign as expensive as PL’s and still be super rich”
3. He’ll tackle “the issues”
“When England send their people, they’re not sending their best with socks and sandals. They’re sending drugs, they’re sending crime. And yes some, I assume, actually like Bugibba.”
4. He’ll “tell it like it is”
“Bacon? I love bacon! What’s wrong with bacon everywhere – yes even in a Quran? Actually it’s a waste of bacon but this is a democracy and bacon should be everywhere!”
5. He’ll enter meaningful debates
“My hands are huge; look at Franco Debono’s hands. Franco Debono is a man with small hands, I am a man with huge hands!”
6. He’ll always fact-check his statements
“An extremely credible source has called my office and told me that Konrad Mizzi’s birth certificate is a fraud. He spies for China. He lived in England. He works in Panama. He’s just not Maltese.”
7. He’ll work on our crumbling infrastructure
“I will build high rise towers everwhere! Mriehel? Sliema? Valletta? Comino? Everywhere. And nobody builds high rise towers better than me, believe me”
8. He’ll come up with a shitty slogan
“Making Malta Great”
Bonus: His wife would give some inspiring speeches
“Malta l-ewwel u qabel kollox. Min mhux magħna kontra tagħna”
Melania Trump probably
Thanks to Raisa Tarasova for the help with this one!