25 Ways a Eurovision Win Would Have Changed Malta
Despite polling odds ranking her in 6th place, Ira Losco failed to even make the top ten at this year’s Eurovision Song Contest to Malta. That being said, her performance was impressive and her music video has racked up an impressive 7.5 million views. But what would have happened if the Maltese finally got to see their dream of Ira winning the Eurovision?
1. Ira becomes Malta’s most popular name (other variations: Losco, Wokonwater etc)
2. Church attendance drops after the Vatican rejects calls to beatify Ira
3. Gozo tunnel project scrapped – new DriveOnWater project launched
4. 7th May (7.05) declared “He Walks Into Sight Day” – new national Public Holiday
5. Mary Spiteri and Chiara team up to drop the hottest album of 2016
Former Eurovision runners up: Mary Spiteri & Chiara Siracusa
6. Pro
EU sentiment soars in the country
7. Racism
ends – we’re no longer bitter about being an island without neighbours
8. PN
calls for investigation into Eurovision corruption, spearheaded by Claudette Pace
9. Jason
Micallef supports investigation and accuses PBS of being ‘untouchables’
10. Church murals depicting the miracle of walking on water are updated
11. Ira is fast tracked to Presidency
12. V18 extended to V19-25
13. ‘Zoo‘ team assassinated to minimise risk of them hosting Eurovision 2017
14.
Comino levelled to be used as the Eurovision 2017 stage
15. Ġieħ ir-Repubblika awarded to Ira’s glitter supplier
16. Insurance
premiums soar as nation’s collective tears of joy flood Msida Valley
17. Gzira changes its postcode to IRA, triggering a real estate boom in the area and finally kickstarting its regeneration
18. Konrad
Mizzi appointed Minister for Eurovision
19.
“Congratulations” banners across the Island slashed down – Grace Borg
taken in for questioning
20. Ftira Losco becomes the nation’s offical sandwich
