25 Ways a Eurovision Win Would Have Changed Malta

It's been a long time coming, but are we really ready?

Ira Losco Kris Micallef

Despite polling odds ranking her in 6th place, Ira Losco failed to even make the top ten at this year's Eurovision Song Contest to Malta. That being said, her performance was impressive and her music video has racked up an impressive 7.5 million views. But what would have happened if the Maltese finally got to see their dream of Ira winning the Eurovision?

1. Ira becomes Malta's most popular name (other variations: Losco, Wokonwater etc)

2. Church attendance drops after the Vatican rejects calls to beatify Ira

3. Gozo tunnel project scrapped - new DriveOnWater project launched

4. 7th May (7.05) declared "He Walks Into Sight Day" - new national Public Holiday

5. Mary Spiteri and Chiara team up to drop the hottest album of 2016

Chiara Mary Spiteri

Former Eurovision runners up: Mary Spiteri & Chiara Siracusa

6. Pro EU sentiment soars in the country

7. Racism ends - we're no longer bitter about being an island without neighbours

8. PN calls for investigation into Eurovision corruption, spearheaded by Claudette Pace

9. Jason Micallef supports investigation and accuses PBS of being 'untouchables' 

10. Church murals depicting the miracle of walking on water are updated

Jesus Ira

11. Ira is fast tracked to Presidency 

12. V18 extended to V19-25 

13. 'Zoo' team assassinated to minimise risk of them hosting Eurovision 2017

14.  Comino levelled to be used as the Eurovision 2017 stage

15. Ġieħ ir-Repubblika awarded to Ira's glitter supplier

Ira Losco Glitter

16. Insurance premiums soar as nation's collective tears of joy flood Msida Valley

17. Gzira changes its postcode to IRA, triggering a real estate boom in the area and finally kickstarting its regeneration

18. Konrad Mizzi appointed Minister for Eurovision

19. "Congratulations" banners across the Island slashed down - Grace Borg taken in for questioning

20. Ftira Losco becomes the nation's offical sandwich


21. Teatru Mwaqqa is reconstructed to give Ira a 'nice' rehearsal space

22. ROCS launch the Ira Tour, wherein an Ira impersonator guides travellers across continents to see the seven wonders of the modern world

23. Ira offered the Grandmaster's Palace as official residence - can finally settle down and have a family

24. Lynn Chircop tweets 10 years of backlogged hate

25. Maltese cross redesigned to have 12 points

READ NEXT: Ira's Era

Written By

Chucky Bartolo

If there's no Mariah Carey GIF or reference to Eurovision in this article, just assume they've been edited out against my will.