We may be one of the most obese nations in the world, but when it comes to our insults, our diet is pretty balanced, varying from leafy greens to starchy carbs.
Whether you buy fruit and veg from the pitkalija or the shiny ones that never go bad from Scotts, these insults are as raw and organic as they get:
The first slot was obviously reserved for Emmy Bezzina and his now-famous Piżella! You’ll have to ask him about the meaning, though judging from his expression, it can’t be something good.
The harshest, and therefore the vegetable most commonly-used as an insult.
‘Kemm hu ġidra dak il-madonċi Kaiden hux? Ma nafx kif tifilħu ommu.’
(‘Isn’t that Kaiden a kohlrabi? I don’t know how his mum puts up with him.’)
A popular Maltese snack and an even more popular insult to describe someone slow.
80% of the population, every morning: ‘Ejja suq, pastizz!’
Although ħassa actually refers to someone fresh and cool, we’ve found a way to turn it into something negative.
Scenario: A husband, desperate and cranky AF, asks a pharmacist for whatever snoring aid is available.
‘…wara lejl tonħor qisha ors tqum ħassa! Imbagħad għax inqum qisni iddimunjat!’
(‘After a night of snoring like a bear, my wife wakes up like a lettuce! And then she wonders why I wake up demonized!’)
Finally, an insult other nationalities can relate to. In many countries, being ballsy and having balls represent bravery. Logically, then, not having aforementioned cojones implies being a wuss. In Maltese, we refer to ‘the twins’ as eggs.
‘Ejja aqbeż Philbert x’int bla bajd! Anki l-kelb Titti għandu par ikbar!’
‘Jump Philbert, you’re so eggless, even Titti the dog has a bigger pair than yours!’
This creative (if not totally random) one is used to describe someone with a big nose.
‘Rajtu l-għarus l-għandha? Ixommu il- bettiegħ!’
(Have you seen that boyfriend of hers? He smells Cantaloupe melons!)
As in: ‘Daqt ngħerqu ‘l dan iċ-Ċiniż kif dejjaqli ċ-ċicri jċafċaf ħdejja!’
(‘I’m soon gonna drown this Chinese guy, how he’s annoyed my chickpeas splashing water near me!’)
If you’ve got more of a sweet tooth, replace ċ-ċicri with cookies;
‘Dejjaqtuli l-cookies kemm tgħidu! Agħlqu ħalqkom sekonda ħanina’
(You’ve bugged my cookies with your non-stop talking! Shut your mouths a sec, jeez!’)
This one isn’t a direct insult, but more of a way to say that something was a massive disaster.
‘Kif mort fl-eżami tas-systems, Gilbert?’
‘Froġa. Ħallini bħalissa, ara.’
(How was the systems of knowledge exam, Gilbert?
Omelette. Leave me alone right now.)
Similar to Froġa. An expression you would use during most Eurovision entries if you were objective enough.
‘Brodu din id-diska. L-aħħar ħa niġu.’
(‘This song is broth. We are gonna end up in last place.’)
We may have it running through our veins but that doesn’t stop us from getting absolutely potatoed every Friday night!
‘Għamlulna open bar tax-xogħol il-Ħefu Bar… patata sirna!’
(The company organised an open bar for us at Ħefu Bar…we became potatoes!)