What Every Maltese Person Does When They're Stung By Jellyfish

Oh the humanity!

Jelly Featured Image

Summer is already sizzling, so every Maltese person deserves an hour or two of some well-deserved beach time.

Just imagine yourself right now – lounging on a deckchair, sipping a cool beverage and lapping up the sun. And the second you go for a dip in the crystal Maltese waters, a sharp pain sears through your whole body…

…BAM! Paranoia sets in.


Did I step on a glass bottle? Was it a used syringe? Can sharks swim so close to the shore? God damn it, why has no one told me about sharks in Maltese waters?! After much thought, you calm down and conclude that the culprit was obviously a jellyfish. Naturally, the Maltese person will now… 

…Voice their predicament


This may involve screaming (for most people), some wailing, a bit of flailing around the ankle deep water, and general blood curdling guttural noises that most Maltese people only make after the outcome of a General Election. Once the Maltese person’s body accepts the pain, the only acceptable thing to do is…

…Sound the Alarm


Maltese people are good Samaritans (duh), so the only normal thing to do after you get stung is to protect thy neighbour and scream “JELLYFISH” to everyone within hearing distance. This is the point where everyone around will either just ignore you (the foreigners), or start a desperate, floating stampede (the other Maltese people). Once you reach land, you will… 

…Ask for assistance


The jellyfish poison soon turns into the familiar and uncomfortable burning sensation. Desperate for help, you'll turn to your friends defeated and say “I need someone to piss on me RIGHT NOW!”. You'll most likely be met with blank and disgusted faces, and the ‘I just went’ excuse. Out loud you'll say they're bad friends, but deep down you're just glad they didn't go through with it. It's then time to… 

…Run to a kiosk


As the pain grows, you'll ask the beach kiosk vendor for some vinegar, lemon, or anything acidic. Generally they always oblige, and the victim will probably also grab a Cisk since their injury allowed you to skip the entire queue. Once the acidic lotion is applied, a bit of relief sets in, until…

…BAM! Paranoia hits (again)


“OMG, I’m scarred for life”, “I had this one friend that had a jellyfish mark for like 4 years”, “How am I going to drive with this injury?”, “But it’s short-shorts season”, “I can’t believe I literally just asked someone to piss on me”. Once THIS bout of paranoia calms down, the Maltese person will now focus all their energy on…



Carefully using that plastic cup the Maltese person acquired with their beer, they go on the hunt for the evil jellyfish. A string of failed attempts later, you'll generally emerge victorious with ‘evil-jellyfish-in-cup’ in hand. After a couple of selfies, a Facebook status describing recent events, and a proper anti-jellyfish bitch session, the Maltese person will bury the evil jellyfish in the sand, and proceed treat themselves to a much deserved ice cream.

Have you had a recent jellyfish incident? Send us a Snap!

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