What Maltese Facebook Reactions Should Have Been
Agħmilli 'illajks' u nagħmillek 'x'inhu?' lura
You may have heard that Facebook has introduced a Maltese language option, and you know how much we at Lovin Malta love a good translation.
Here are a few reactions that should have been translated, as well as a few others that should have been invented just for us. Because we beat the Ottoman Empire in the Great Siege.
Reaction 1: Xeba imħabba
What this world needs is more love... and so does my hamster album. Show people how much you appreciate their crunchy breakfast granola photo, or that inspirational quote they shared which totally resonates with your current mood.
Situation: Friend trying to sound deep shares a quote from Spirit Science: 'Life is not the amount of breaths you take. It's the moments that take your breath away.'
Reaction 2: Qtiltni man!
That status about Emmy Bezzina cracked you up. Rather than having a 'Haha' emoji, which to be quite frank sounds dry AF and something you would type on Whatsapp just to break that awkward ten-minute silence after your friend has made a lame joke, we suggest the Qtiltni man! reaction. Translated to 'You killed me, man'. Genuine.
Alternatives: Qsamtni! (You split me)
Reaction 3: Illajks!
Instead of the WOW reaction, Zuckerberg's team ought to have considered illajks, because who says wow here? That's right, nobody.
Illajks could be used in a variety of contexts, particularly for the easily-impressed:
Situation A: Dylan Diandra Dimech (shared profile) has posted a photo of their newborn baby Dean. Dean looks like a pancake but you love babies so you nonetheless react with an 'Illajks!'
Situation B: Ryan has updated his status to: 'X'inhi nieżla tax-xita!' You also happen to have a few windows at home, deeming Ryan's status totally unnecessary. You therefore decide to react with an 'Illajks!' Although you should assume your sarcasm will be wasted on someone like him.
Reaction 4: Bikkejtni Bryan
The emoji itself is enough to break your heart. For the more serious times on Facebook, there's the Bikkejtni Bryan reaction.
Situation: Ludwig has once again changed his relationship status to: Single. You are devastated for him, but not devastated enough to pick up the phone and give him a call. So you opt for the Bikkejtni Bryan emoji. Your good deed of the day out of the way.
Reaction 5: Tifqanix ġbin!
For the countless times that idiotic Facebook 'friend' you've been thinking of unfriending posts something that leaves you seething with anger, replace the Angry emoji with Tifqanix ġbin! Because the literal irrabjat doesn't quite cut how you're really feeling, plus tifqanix is more menacing.
Situation: Idiotic friend comments on a political post; 'Kieku ma kienx għal [insert political party you hate], il-kont tad-dawl ma kienx jiġini 17 cents inqas dax-xahar!'
Now that the base has been covered, here are a few bonus ones that should be added just for us Maltese:
Bonus Reaction 1: X'INHU?!
For those 'I'm pregnant' or 'Left my bra in the lactose-free section at LIDL' statuses people fall for - you know, those which are meant to raise breast cancer awareness.
Situation: Friend updates status to: 'Check out my no make-up selfie which is totally going to help in the eradication of world poverty.'
A cruder alternative could be a 'F*** min?!' reaction. Good luck trying to explain that one to Zuckerberg's team though.
Bonus Reaction 2: JAQQ OS**A!
For some reason, a small percentage of the Facebook population gets a kick out of posting stuff that makes the unfortunate souls who happen to see it, retch. For those shared Youtube clips of people bursting whiteheads and blackheads. Did. Not. Want. To. SEE. THAT.
Situation: Brother tags you in a 'Ha ha, check out this guy eating a live cockroach as a dare!' video.
Reaction: JAQQ OS**A! emoji
When it's the Last Straw: Ma nifilħekx aktar
And for when people have got on your last nerve and you literally can't take them one second longer: the Maltese version of the Unfriend button.
Situation A: Sarah, for the fifth time today, posts a photo with the heading; 'Hey, it's me yet again looking like a complete twat in my car! #lips #kylielipgloss #bornthisway'
Enjoy the peace... until the next kallu comes along.