Why It’s Impossible To Get A Summer Body In Malta
Given the opportunity, most people would love to rock a chiselled six-pack, or strut their stuff with a clear-cut thigh gap.
But we live in Malta, and realistically speaking it’s impossible for us to look like the gods and goddesses we want to be, as we haul our cooler across the sand at Ghadira. Here are just a few reasons why it’s never going to happen:
1. It’s way too hot
You can’t even muster enough energy to walk out of the house, let alone go all the way to the gym. Thank you very much for your suggestion, but we’d rather stay inside with our AC and exercise in our sleep.
2. All the fast food
We’re looking at you, darling pastizzi shops scattered across Malta. Cheap and delicious, we all know that it’s fattening, but that’s tomorrow’s problem. Right now your only concern is getting your hands on that second qassata.
3. Nanna’s house is a thing
When you walk into your grandmother’s house, the first thing you’re greeted with is the classic “Are you hungry?” You can try say no, but it won’t work and honestly, you don’t really want to decline it anyway.
4. Beachin’ it (while eatin’ it)
When you do eventually end up at the beach, ready to show off your not-so-summer body, you can’t help but be tempted by the ice cream van chilling a short distance away from you. What harm can one ice cream cone do, when compared to how much of your packed lunch you’ve already eaten?
5. Celebrating finally losing some weight by eating
This is just the Maltese way to do things. Everything you accomplish must be accompanied by food, even when you manage to lose those three kilos you’ve been whining about since the dawn of time.