11 Types of People You Will Find Living In Malta This Summer

Diversity should be Malta’s new name. Not only are we diverse culturally, but we’re also diverse as a nation.

Here’s a list of some of the most prominent characters you’ll meet on our island, whether foreign or local.

1. The nouveau riche bro

This guy will constantly try his best to remind you that everything he owns is 100 times tackier and more expensive than anything you own.

The NRB will walk around showing off his gold Rolex, popped polo shirt and white chinos like his life depended on it.

He is generally spotted sipping a granita in his BMW, sporting his cool new Armani sunglasses as he plays deep house music.

2. The pained sporty freaks

These people are literally everywhere. Whether you’re driving or walking around town, you will meet at least one person doing a strenuous physical activity in the glaring heat.

They will either be running their tits off or cycling as if they’re avoiding a hoard of possessed goats. Either way, these guys literally never stop for a break, and we can’t help but feel sorry for them. Do they know that it’s been 39°C for a whole week now?

3. The old money

Unlike the NRB, this one does not flaunt his assets. At least not that much.

Fin,e his daddy owns a really cool yacht and he calls his mother ‘mother’, but he still does not flaunt what he’s got as much.

The only way you can recognise the old money is by the classy and timeless way they carry themselves. You know, like they could own everything around you. Because they probably do.

4. The foreigner who’s trying to fit in

This guy is constantly shouting ‘mela!’, ‘mhux hekk?’, ‘ħeqq!’, ‘iva’ and ‘istra!’ like he’d deported back to wherever he came from if he didn’t prove he couldn’t at least shout one Maltese expletive per hour.

He’ll try his best to learn the language, eat local and do anything Maltese people do. These endearing fellows are genuinely interested in our culture and stuff, however sometimes they hilariously take it a bit too far.

5. The foreigner who clearly does not want to fit in

These wild guys want you to know that they’re not local. They really need to drive that point across, and there’s no stopping them.

It could be anything from constantly telling everyone who will listen how different Malta is compared to their super futuristic country, to refusing to learn about anything local.

6. The nanniet

Generally strolling down the promenade being cute AF, these cuddlebears are sometimes spotted hanging out with their even cuter grandchildren or just waiting for the bus.

The only drawback is the droning tgergir you’re bound to hear from these fellows. Then again, try 70 Maltese summers and then judge.

7. The party people

These party animals just can’t ever stop. They’re the ones who go out to party every day of the week, and you can totally see it in their eyes.

These soulless beings can be seen stumbling about, trying to recover from their after-after-party by heading to the next party.

The only rest they’ll get is a quick power nap in their car during said party.

8. The not-so-social-justice-warriors

These are the ones who will never stop looking for injustices around them.

They will not ambush you if you litter the streets. No, the NSSJW will only confront you if what you do is something that makes their life less convenient.

These guys don’t care about social justice, they just care about personal justice.

They’re generally mostly met on bus stops preaching at bus drivers for being late.

9. The one who can’t understand personal space

These people are so much into invading your privacy that you literally need to put your arms out for them to stop taking steps towards you.

Generally unaware of their very own marauding, these guys are totally harmless, but that does not make their privacy infringement any more acceptable.

It’s really hot. You’re in my face. Move back please.

10. The lost souls

Generally in the form of foreign tourists trying to find their way from Għajn Tuffieħa to ‘Medina’ by solely relying on random strangers they meet while walking around in the heat.

They are doomed, like the lost souls in Dante’s Inferno. Abandon all hope ye who enter here.

11. That guy who thinks his playlist is amazing

This guy thinks that everyone wants to groove to his music. He is a walking theme song waiting to happen.

We don’t now whether he wants to be discovered by a local music producer and asked to headline for the next big party on the island, or if he just needs music to survive.

Either way, everyone is annoyed by his JBL speaker on full blast.

Did we forget to mention anyone you’ve met in Malta this summer? Leave us a comment below

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