14 Ridiculous Myths About Sex All Maltese Kids Believed

Sex; Malta’s long-lasting taboo. Everyone believed some weird myth about sex when we were young, and not being able to talk about it much only made it worse. 

We decided to compile the craziest, most ridiculous myths with the help of some friends, because we definitely didn’t believe some of these, promise.

1. Finger-blasting can get you pregnant

If you finger-blast a lady up to a few hours after you bash your candle, you will impregnate her. Manually. 

2. Kissing will get you pregnant

Some even believed that sharing a kiss with a boy might get them pregnant.

3. Getting pregnant is uncomfortable AF

One of our moles believed that in order to get a woman pregnant, you needed to fall asleep with your plonker inside her wonder hole.

4. Don’t polish your banister in the shower

If a guy polishes his banister in the shower before a lady washes, she will definitely get pregnant. 

5. All erections point towards the North Pole

Whenever a man gets an erection, his flesh compass will automatically point towards the North Magnetic Pole. He will seriously get injured if he’s facing South.

6. Kissing while you’re on your period will get you pregnant

Yep, definitely a fact. 

7. A sploogey toilet seat will get you pregnant

A toilet seat which someone dripped his splooge on will apparently get any female user pregnant. 

No wonder our parents used to tell us to always leave the toilet seat clean, but still check every single time we go to sit down.

8. Sharing your bed with a woman will get her pregnant

Sources tell us that a young boy thought he impregnated his mother due to this. Oh pet.

9. Hoohaas have hooks inside

Some kids even believed that hoohaas had a bunch of hooks inside — to prevent the man’s baloney pony from slipping out. 

10. Slapping your trouser meat

Some of the boys were quite sure that in order to shake the creamer, they needed to slap their trouser meat around. Ouch.

11. A “boob job” means giving a girl a hickey on her boob

Alright? 

12. Blowjobs can totally get you pregnant

This one just does not make any sense at all. Anatomically speaking. Unless, of course… nope, still doesn’t make any sense.

13. Babies come out of your belly button

Sadly the truth is much more painful than this.

14. Drinking piss will get you pregnant 

Apparently the only way to get pregnant is to drink a man’s piss and call it a day. 

BONUS: Cleaning your rifle in your friend’s ear is a hilarious prank

Less myth and more tradition, this still deserves to be in a WTF sex list.

Also, one person said she’d be terrified of getting pregnant that way, so there’s that.

Did you believe anything weird about sex when you were younger? Leave us a comment below

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