6 Painful Stages Every Maltese World Cup Widow Knows All Too Well

Men. Husbands, partners, sons, friends, lovers and fathers. They all flock and gather around their TV screens, laptops, or congregate at some bar to watch the World Cup matches. And while some women do also enjoy the beautiful game, it’s still safe to say that last month was one where many relationship were tested.

No matter what kind of man he is, there will be at least one day this past month were you will be left a World Cup Widow. And it’s perfectly ok; we’re here for you and we know the struggle all too well.

1. It all starts so innocently

The male human in your life starts breaking random sweats late at night, tossing and turning in his sleep. Mumbling incoherent words you cannot seem to grasp. “Haqq.. Oop istja” you hear your significant other mumble as he feverishly tries his best to escape from his nightmares.

After a couple of nights, you will start finding trails and clues that your SO is not sleeping well. He’s losing sleep and you start worrying. Is he hiding something? Is it work? Is there someone else?

Midnight fridge raids, 1am bathroom trips and even waking up to find him creepily staring out of the window without ever blinking his glassy eyes.

It’s coming, but you’re not sure what and when it will actually be here.

2. Realisation dawns upon you

The signs will be so subtle, you will not even see them at first.

You will get to work and you will notice the men huddled in the kitchen, discussing stuff in gruff voices. There’s a weird smell in the air. Something which makes you feel a sort of deep rooted anticipation and anxiety, but you’re not sure what it is.

They say that when certain animals are afraid they secrete a certain smell. Is this also happening at the office? You’re not sure.

That is, until you hear the young intern saying “He he he min taħsbu li jerbaħ man?” And that’s when it hits you.

That’s when you become the one breaking sweats.

That’s when you will understand why your partner has been having restless nights.

It’s not a mistress, it’s much, much worse.

3. Let the games begin

After the initial fright and shock, you will start noticing the men in your life discussing the winner of this peculiar event. As all manly things go, they will start becoming a tad bit competitive, speaking in low grunts and putting their chest forward.

The mantribe at the office will start egging each other on for bets. You will notice how many reluctant men at the office will give in to the peer pressure made by the alpha males of the building.

Eventually some of the women will also relent for fear of being left out.

“Who doesn’t want to win some easy money?” They will nervously say to each other with bulging eyes and sweaty foreheads.

4. You will start losing all hope

First it was the office males, now it’s your male friends.

Everyone is slowly succumbing to this disease that is the World Cup. You start noticing the men around you grumbling under their breath as they walk by.

Eye contact has gone down by at least 50% when holding conversations with a guy. They all seem to be lost staring at a vacant space behind your right ear. Then you realise there’s a TV set behind you and the game is on.

You first lost your colleagues, and now you are slowly watching your friends wither away. Whatever it costs, you will not let this monster take your partner away the way it did four years ago.

You will fight for this, and you will fight for it hard.

5. Is this the end, beautiful friend?

You start grasping at straws.

Your partner is lost. It is too late now for you to keep him close.

You struggle weekly to keep yourself afloat. You stopped shaving your legs and your hair is a fiery mess. You’ve been reading about your symptoms online for fear of succumbing to the deadly virus too.

You feel bored, lost, alone and broken. Your man is spending his nights with his buddies watching the damn games. It feels like you have lost the battle.

A battle that you were destined to lose since God created day and night.

You can finally understand the widows of days gone by. You can understand the women waiting relentlessly for their husbands lost in past battles.

Woman, this is literally the first time that you’ve been truly alone.

You’ve been slowly drowning your sorrows in gallons of wine and box after box of Quality Street chocolates.

The end is nigh.

6. Is your relationship strong enough to survive this?

Hold on tight and keep yourself busy girl. Go out with your girlfriends, treat yourself to a spa day, or get smashed drunk off your tits in the bath.

No matter how much you hear about this famed Cup, what you really need to survive this is time, patience, hobbies and the knowledge that it will soon be over.

Hold on; your hero will be coming home soon.

Do you know any World Cup Widows? Tag them in the comments below

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