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7 Events Which Would Single-Handedly End Life In Malta As We Know It

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Armageddon might be a thing of science-fiction (or the last couple of pages of the Bible), but if you throw a big enough event at a small island like Malta, the end of life as we know it suddenly stops being that far-fetched.

Here are seven occurrences which could easily bring a grinding halt to the Maltese Islands if they had to happen. Operative word there being “if”.

1. Pretty much any natural disaster

A volcano suddenly crops up even closer to Etna and explodes? Say good bye to the lads.

Meteor? If the dinosaurs couldn’t survive, then we cant.

Tsunami? Not even going to ‘Top of the World’, or daddy’s boat will save you.

Particularly strong earthquake? Well, at least we’ll be buried.

No, sorry boys and girls, Malta is not going to survive any kind of natural disaster… but at least none of them seem to be coming our way anytime soon.

Now excuse me while I rush off to touch all the wood in the room.

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2. The political parties agreeing on something

Shivers creeping down our spines even as we write this.

Imagine if the politicians didn’t have their own agenda, and simply pushed for what was best for Malta. If the political could agree on a few things, for the betterment of the country, most of the general populous would literally go insane.

Putting aside our brainwashed upbringing is a step we’re not yet ready to take, and while Malta’s political parties actually agreeing on something might sound like a good thing on paper, this might have far-reaching and devastating mental and emotional effects on the island’s population.

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3. The Maltese football team getting into the World Cup

Close your eyes and picture it.

The entire population of Malta would go unbelievably insane. Carcarding and partying will quickly escalate to national rioting.

Remember the scenes after Iceland shocked the world? Now imagine it with more alcohol and 400,000 people who have never known such as national pride.

Our tiny hearts wouldn’t be able to contain it all.

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4. Finally winning the Eurovision

It’s coming ho-oh-oh-me *cue key-change*

We’ve come close over the years, but if we finally clinch it, there would be no stopping the celebrations.

Not to mention we’ll be having an entire referendum over where it’s best to build the arena for the event. And if a town that really wants to be the host isn’t chosen, you can rest assured that it’ll rise up in arms.

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5. The inevitable Maltese and English-speaking civil war

Legions of Pepe and an army of ħamalli meet on the battlefield to finally decide which is the one true language of the Maltese islands.

The island will be met with devastation, the war of the one language will rage on for years, until nothing is left but smoke and ashes.

As is said in the prophecy.

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6. No more improvements on roads

Or maybe just no improvements on anything.

Knowing our road rage, our love for our cars, and the terrible traffic we deal with day after day, having the roads deteriorate more and more would leave us on the brink of a full out riot.

When our roads turn into cart ruts, people will definitely go into full prehistoric rage mode.

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7. Building a bridge anywhere

If there’s a subject which invites arguments, bickering, and a general sense of “I’m right you’re wrong” attitude, it’s the proposal of a bridge anywhere in the Maltese Islands.

The only thing we would accomplish by building a bridge anywhere is having two warring factions fighting on either sides.

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Can you think of a disaster which would reduce Malta to rubble? Let us know in the comments below

READ NEXT: Life in Malta: Expectations vs Reality

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