Maltese people are not lacking in passion. Finding love is at the top of many of our islanders’ priority list, and when we do it’s even better than the sun shining on you at Riviera on a clear, summer’s day.
But that sunshine sometimes gets just a tad too hot. You feel flustered, restless, uncomfortable. You can’t wait to liberate yourself and get right back into the sea again where all the other fishes are waiting for you.
When that happens, here’s a few valid reasons you can break ties with your Maltese lover:
1. Their mother is just too overbearing
Look, I’m tired of pretending that Doris’ timpana is the best I’ve ever tasted, and if I have to hear another back-handed compliment that really means “you look fat“, I’m going to kill myself.
2. They live on the other side of the island and it’s just too far
I love you, but I can’t spend another nanosecond in traffic to get to you.
3. They have different political views
And my nanna would disown me if she found out I’m dating someone from the other side.
4. You’re still in love with their cousin
I’m not even sure if she’s your third cousin, or second cousin once removed – but I when I look at you I literally see her face.
5. Your kids would be midgets
Seriously, our combined height is about 4 feet. This has to end.
6. They’re from the wrong side of the neighbourhood
You’re San Bastjan not San Ġorġ? See point number 3.
8. They would choose Maltese sausage over pinky sausages if they were held at gunpoint
I’m sorry, I just can’t get on board with that kind of value system.
9. They are actually your cousin
We always knew there was that risk…