Uncomfortable conversations at weddings are part of what makes them so… unique? But worse than the drunken conversations you shouldn’t have had are the endless small-talk conversations you’re bound to endure.
1. “We get a drink? Ejja, on me!”
Taaaajba. Tajba, tajba, tajba.
2. “Ma, we always meet at weddings aye! We’re so old, it’s our new version of going out.”
We both know we’re getting too old for Paceville, but do we have to bring it up each time?
3. “Minjaf how hot you’re feeling in those suits… so glad I get to wear a dress!”
Thanks, really makes me feel better about literally melting away. Always fun to have this chat at least five times per wedding.
4. “But ma… you’re so lucky you get to wear flats!”
The eternal response to the above conversation. It’s a non-stop loop of: “I’m breezy but my feet hurt. I’m melting but hella comfortable downstairs!”
5. “You’re friends with the bride or groom?”
Neither. But I’d have to pay for a gift anyway so I’m here. This is always followed by an unspoken competition of who is closer to the newly-weds and how you both first met.
6. “Her dress aye? How nice!”
An old favourite – when you have literally nothing else to say, talk about the bride’s dress. No one can say a bad word about it.
7. “You’re the son/daughter of so-and-so… right? Maaa I remember you as a baby”
“How’s mummy she’s ok? Yes ma I’ve known her since sixth form. Sellili ta!”
8. “Maybe you’re next, ejja”
My bad for coming to this event with my long-time partner. I should have known it would lead to endless unsolicited advice. I shall now smile, laugh and say: “who knows?” while walking away.
There’s also the classic: “ma tridx tkun taf, hux int?” if you’ve been together more than five years. How dare you not conform.