Malta is a fantastic place for tourists from all over the world to come visit. Outnumbering us at around four is to one every summer, it’s a fact of life that you will need to communicate with our esteemed visitors. Just keep in mind; they’re more afraid of us than we are of them.
Here’s a few conversations every Maltese person is bound to have with foreigners this summer.
1. “Can you tell me when to stop for ****?”
If you catch the bus and you find yourself sitting near a few tourists, try not to be caught surprised if they ask you about bus stops. Much like Harry Potter, you’re the chosen one… at least on the bus.
It’s an easy conversation, with the added perk of giving you an opportunity to help your fellow man. Just get ready to brush up on your bus stop knowledge.
2. “Sorry? Do you know which bus goes to ….?”
Because you don’t even need to be on the bus to get these questions.
Catch yourself on a bus stop at any point of the day in summer and you’re bound to fall into a conversation with a foreigner.
Hope that it’s just confirmation that they are in fact on the proper bus stop for the stop they wish, and not a series of questions that will have you refreshing the bus timetable and schedule faster than 4G can handle it.
3. “Could you take a picture please?”
Picture this: you’re casually minding your own business when WHAM… it happens.
A person starts walking up to you, and time slows down. The friendly expression on their face, their mobile phone on the camera app in their hands, and the inevitable “Sorry.. do you mind?”
Of course you don’t, there is literally no way to say no to such a simple request. Aim the phone at them, whilst they yell instructions on how to use it, click away and pray the picture comes good, for both your sakes.
4. Malta talk
It’s always bound to come up.
Once they realise you’re a native of the Island, the praise begins. Sit, smile, and take in the compliments. Yes, it really is a lovely island. Yes, I have been lucky enough to have been born here.
Have your national pride hit levels of godly hood and don’t forget to tell them about Kinnie and Nutella pastizzi.
That feeling you get when a conversation is started with you in a different language, and you just know it’s going to be an awkward one.
A series of decisions take place the moment when they start speaking. Should I stop them now? Should I let them finish? Should I try English? Should I test myself in their language? By the end of it, you can only pray you’ve been at least a bit helpful. But deep down, you know they didn’t understand a word you’ve said.
6. “Would you like to come to this party? “
Well, if we’re being the honest the phrase to start the conversation would be more like “HEY MAN, There’s this cool party you just can’t miss…” all done in a harsh foreign accent.
Sure, they’re great promoters for tourists on the island who are looking for a fun time, but as Maltese people being told about the party, we tend to feel superior.
It’s my island, I will go to the parties I want. Stop talking with your weird accent. It’s time for me to leave.