How To Enjoy Yourself At A Festa While Sober
Why should the drunks have all the fun?
Once upon a time the village festa was a religious festival celebrating the Patron Saint of each town. And that religious significance is still an important part of it for many people. But for many others, it's the village birthday party and it's time to get żibel.
But what if you can't drink? Here's how you can enjoy yourself.
1. Bring A Friend
Because why should you suffer alone? Joking. You absolutely don't have to drink to have fun, but any situation is improved by having a friend to hang out with. And besides, maybe they will get drunk and you will get fantastic blackmail photos for the next 6 months. It's a win-win!
2. Buy A Tonne of Greasy Fatty Food
You might not be able to drown your feelings tonight but you can sure as hell bury them. Pastizzi, Wraps, Hot Dogs, Ice Cream. Everything a healthy body needs. Indulge, feast and be merry, but for the love of god throw your garbage away in a bin!
3. Buy A Toy From The Street Vendors
Remember when you were a kid and you'd swarm these stands buying stink bombs and laser pointers to torture your friends with? You can still do that! Grab a plastic sword and whack your bestie over the head with it. Just don't be surprised if you find fake dog poo in your ice cream cone later.
4. Gawk At The Hilarious Disney Knock-Off Merch
Ahh yes such iconic Disney films such as ''Frosty'', ''King of Lions'' and ''Automobiles''. Beloved by kids the world over
5. Follow the Banda Around And Enjoy The Music
They've been practicing for this all year, the least you can do is go show them some respect. Make sure you give them a big round of applause.
6. Chill With Your Older Neighbours And Soak Up ALL The Gossip
Because god knows that after a couple glasses of wine they are ready to go off. A seemingly endless stream of who's married who, who crashed their car, who's daughter dropped out of school to become a painter. Scandalous.
7. Sit Back And Watch The Fireworks
Fireworks, one of our many talents and definitely the most spectacular. Find a nice piece of floor, plop down and watch night turn into day. You're not going to have the usual protective layer of booze to soften the noise so maybe invest in some ear-plugs!