Malta’s Eurovision Experience Explained In Gay Porn GIFs
Those who don’t love the Eurovision find Malta’s obsession with it hard to grasp. But we’re all about being inclusive and so to help translate the exact emotions everyone goes through, we thought we’d illustrate things… visually.
Also, yes, we do get paid to write these articles.
1. The local winner is announced and they become an overnight celebrity
Some argue Eurovision is a waste of money, but it does provide an excellent platform for Maltese talent so they’re right to bask in the moment.
2. Loads of airplay for their song means we start loving the tune
Or at least learning all the words to it. It’s stuck in our head and that’s a good sign, right?
3. We start seeing the other countries’ songs and try to guess how well we’ll do
“Hmmm… Israel is doing well this year but Iceland didn’t even try. We have hope for Top 10 if we put on a good show.”
4. We watch the rehearsals and start to lose hope
Have you seen their pyrotechnics? And his voice is so strong. We’re doomed!
5. But we’re suddenly reinvigorated with national pride
Actually, our set looks awesome. We’re in a good group for the semi final and you know what, we’ve come second before! We can do this. We will do this!!
6. We’re never 100% sold on the performance but we’d never tell
We’re Maltese, there’s always a note we didn’t like or a dance move we thought was extra. But our social media will never see that! It’s all Maltese flag emojis and hearts. We’re ready to take this one home.
7. The finalists are announced and MAL…dova is in
The eternal emotional rollercoaster of those similar names should be made illegal.
8. People criticise the song but are shut down because ‘it’s all politics’
There’s no space for negativity here. It’s not Malta’s fault and that’s final.
9. Many fans will watch the final, but it’ll be boring as hell
We spend the whole time rolling our eyes and the lack of Malta in the competition. Lame.