‘It Still Haunts Me Today’: A Harrowing Journey Within Mount Carmel’s Walls From A Man Who Almost Committed Suicide
Tim’s journey from Sweden to Malta was filled with promise, but a radical turn of events saw a fairytale adventure turn sour once he found himself trapped within the walls of Mount Carmel Hospital.
“I’ve never spoken openly about this,” Tim said. “It’s a traumatic experience that still haunts me today.”
In 2019, the company Tim happily worked for in Malta hit the ground when the company’s bank – none other than the infamous Satabank – crashed. It was the first time he found a job that gave him satisfaction, however short-lived it may have been.
“In just one week, I had to learn everything about the Casino world. I was then thrown into the deep, sometimes working for ten days straight with one day’s rest. I had to keep up with up to ten chats on several different platforms in any given time, at work.”
“But when the bank crashed, so did my work. And sure enough, I found myself without a job shortly after.”
Rough times ensued, with Tim’s waning mental health leading him down a dark path paved with alcohol, insomnia, and depression.
“I couldn’t pay my rent, and eventually I couldn’t buy food either. All my friends were in the same situation, so we couldn’t help each other out. I had no friends and no family. Nowhere to turn to.”
It was only a matter of time before Tim would end up homeless. And that would be the final straw that drove him to consider taking his own life.
“Death was the only solution. I overdosed on pills and walked into the sea at 02:00, one fine night…”
His plan went awry after a passer-by caught him in the act, and saved his life.
Tim’s waning mental health meant only one thing: Rehabilitation at Mount Carmel Hospital
He was sanctioned to Mount Carmel after just one night in Mater Dei Hospital. It was Hobson’s choice, with doctors stating that he either goes voluntarily or involuntarily. And although Tim’s initial perception of the hospital was hopeful, it was all set to change.
“I wasn’t even allowed to have a phone. Inside, everything was so ‘old’, like stepping backwards in time. There were three male dorms with eight beds in each room. One area with a TV with only Maltese and Italian channels and eight chairs that looked as though they came out of a dumpster. The chairs served as beds for the nurses during their nightshift.”
“Week in, week out, the routine was unchanged. Lights on at 07:30, breakfast, then shower. The shower was a tiny place covered with mould and cracked tiles, where I stood with other men without an ounce of privacy.”
“The only highlights of the rest of the day was lunch at 11:00, coffee at 14:30, and dinner at 17:00. There was nothing else to do save watch TV or walk in circles.”
Tim even felt cut off from most of the staff, noting a distinction between the few nursing staff trained in Malta – of whom he praised – and caregivers hired by an independent company.
“Some either played with their phone or talked between themselves, waiting for the day’s end,” he claimed.
Tim was allegedly prescribed a host of medications by his doctor, despite claims that he was against such action, as a patient. Regardless of his views, he was reportedly pushed to continue treatment and was re-evaluated by his doctor on a weekly basis.
It was only a matter of time before Tim made a second attempt on his own life.
“I lost all hope and tried to kill myself again. There were a lot of ways to do this amid the lack of attention. I almost succeeded this time, but the staff intervened.”
The intervention, however, was bittersweet. Tim’s short-lived recovery was ‘celebrated’ with a sanction into the hospital’s notorious ‘Seclusion Ward’.
What Tim had to say about his experience in seclusion, was startling.
“It was a fairly large room with a mattress on the floor, a hole in the floor to pee in, and a huge door locked with keys and four turning bolts. A window on the door was all that was needed for my caregivers to see what I was doing.”
“I had to strip naked and was later made to wear clothes that were far too small. They didn’t have enough sizes. I wasn’t even allowed a pillow”
“My food was served without cutlery so I had to eat with my hands. I had nothing to read, nothing to look at. All I could do was look at the roof, all the while trying to ignore the smell of piss that filled the room.”
“The times I was let out, I would get spat on or deprived of my food. One time, to punish me for doing something they didn’t like, the staff took all my clothes and put me in a room naked with no blanket for a whole day.”
Lovin Malta reached out to the Ministry Of Health, with spokespersons stating that the Seclusion Ward’s controversial living conditions are necessary to ensure the safety of suicidal patients. Regardless, comments on depriving patients of food, or spitting remain elusive.
Tim wasn’t the first to have been shocked by the manner in which he was treated. Lovin Malta had had also reached out to 20-year-old Joshua, who gave his own account of his experience in the ward.
After a month, Tim was transferred to Male Ward 2. A place, he described, that was left “in shambles”.
“This ward was literally falling apart. Big building stands were pushed up against the roof, everything was dirty…”
His fortunes changed a month later after he was able to establish contact with a psychiatric hospital in his home country.
It was all that was needed to get the ball rolling to get him sent back home – albeit, for further treatment.
He was able to make his way back home. However, memories of his harrowing experiences are still fresh in his mind.
“The experience haunts me. I dream about my experience there every night. The memories have started triggering panic attacks.”
“I feel sorry for people that I met there, the ones who have lived there for years.”
“I can’t believe how, in 2022, in an EU country, we still have hospitals like this.”
Early last year, mental health activist Belle de Jong wrote a viral article for SideStreet shedding some much-needed light on the dire state Malta’s main psychological institution is in.
Despite mounting political promises that Mount Carmel Hospital will undergo radical modernisation, the institution remains a huge point of controversy in the country’s healthcare sphere to this day.
If you or someone you know needs to talk to someone about difficult situations, substance abuse or mental health, please call 179. Alternatively, visit www.kellimni.com to get in touch online.
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