Consent in the conventional sexual world is more likely to be communicated verbally the first time a couple has sex, whether that’s a new relationship or a casual hook-up. However, it becomes less and less common in long-term relationships show.

Studies show that evidence suggested that men are more likely than women to see consent as an event, rather than a process. It is simply a stepping stone to something else – meaning that negative responses are seen many as something that can be manipulated to a positive.

Meanwhile, people continue to fail to understand that consent can be taken just as quickly as it can be given – and that understanding people’s limits or levels of comfort is vital for a healthy relationship. All too often we rely on implied consent which leaves the room for serious misinterpretation.

It has had devastating results as shocking reports on sexual assault and harassment, oftentimes within intimate relationships in the country and the globe continues to emerge.

Consent is so important to the image of BDSM communities worldwide that safe, sane and consensual (SSC) is the mantra of the BDSM scene.

Of course, this does not mean that BDSM communities are immune to violence or coercion, but they have established guidelines with the idea of minimising the risks.

There are two main practices surrounding consent in BDSM. The first is pre-negotiation of allowed activities which set the boundaries well before sex has even begun. It lets people know what they’re going in for and the limits of their partners.

It also helps with communication between partners – who are able to freely discuss and express their limits and boundaries with no judgement.

Safewords or prearranged non-verbal signals are also central to BDSM and help indicate the withdrawal of consent. It’s a helpful tool that respects people’s boundaries, no matter the scenario.

It could be a word with no relation to sex at all, such as ‘pomegranate’, but the important thing is that you both agree that hearing or speaking your chosen safety word signifies that all activity has to stop until the situation has been resolved.

Another practice that emphasises BDSM standards of consent is actually critiquing and sanctioning behaviour that deviates from clear and respectful consent practices. Failure to follow pre-established rules and signals is an absolute no go, and people who do so are often ostracised and exiled from the communities.

Consent thrives in one of the more extreme realms of the vast sexual landscape, so why cannot we apply the same thoughts to our everyday lives? Consent should never be something to get out of the way before you can play.

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Image credit: LustGasm

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