This evening, Malta faces England at Wembley Stadium as part of the FIFA World Cup Qualifying Round. The game kicks off at 18:00, and while the two teams have met three times before and Malta has (perhaps predictably) lost every time, history has proven that our track record is getting better.
Taking previous face-offs with the Three Lions alone, we’ve gone from a 5-0 defeat in 1971 to an incredibly close 2-1 at an International Friendly in 2000. And with England’s less-than stellar performances at recent World Cups and the group stage still at its very early stages, we’re still on time to pull a shocker.
If England scores first:
The instinctive reaction for this is going to be bitterness and perhaps even anger. Of course this was bound to happen, people will argue, and they might even start blaming it on the lads on the ground.
But that’s definitely not the way to go about things, especially considering that these eleven guys are the best we’ve got and are going to do everything they can to make us all proud. There’s still more to play after all!
If Malta scores first:
IS THIS REAL LIFE? THIS IS ACTUALLY HAPPENING RIGHT?
Time for the subdued sense of patriotism and the fifth pint of Cisk to fuse into a frenzy of awesomeness.
If Malta scores an equaliser:
We’re still in it. Never give up. Never surrender.
Red card to a Maltese player:
“REFEREE MIXTRI. MIXTRI. GHALL-SAQAJH MAR DAK!”
Red card to an English player:
Of course, no one’s going to complain if the situation is reversed. The guy had it coming, and Malta’s chances have just went up a notch.
Extra time and it’s England 2, Malta 1 again:
This can still happen. This can still happen. We can do this. We just need to do what we couldn’t in 90 minutes in 2 instead. LET’S GO.
Ah well, what can you do? The odds were always going to be against us. And hey, we didn’t lose by that much anyway! Yay?
England wins… by a landslide:
Sure, it always sucks to concede so many goals… but no matter what happens, we’re sure that the Maltese team is going to give it its all. So thanks and as always, proud of you guys.
*Replays some clips of Iceland in the Euro*
Screw constant and alarming obesity rates, quasi-weekly political scandals, and the calculated destruction of the last remaining greenery – WE ARE THE BEST COUNTRY IN THE WORLD AND TOGETHER, CAN RULE THE UNIVERSE.