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Insane Gozitan Legend About Oiled Up Hot Hunks Making Out On Shredded Horses

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Ever been to Għarb, that tiny village Gozo? There is a chapel right on the edge of Ras San Mitri cliffs. The chapel looks quite picturesque. And this chapel is the source of a very interesting legend which you might not know of.

 It was first built in the 1400s but it was rebuilt during the 18th Century because of some random earthquake.  

There’s a painting on top of the altar which shows this super flamboyant guy flipping his cloak on what looks like the world’s most shredded horse. A suspiciously ugly woman is presumably trying to touch the horse — which is eyeing her suspiciously with a shady ass stare. 

On the other side of the horse we can see a chained man looking at the flamboyant guy like he’s who Bonnie Taylor was singing about in Holding Out For A Hero.

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Basically this painting is telling us the batshit insane story of Natalizja Cauchi — known as Żgugina to her homeboys. Żgugina had a hot young-ish son named Mattew, and he was the apple of her eye, s2g. 

Anyway, a bunch of Turkish guys invaded Għarb. When they happened upon Żgugina’s home, they smacked her down and abducted her son.  

Mattew looks like a strapping teen/young adult in the painting so we’re not sure how the hell they managed to do that, but we’ll give him the benefit of the doubt y’all. 

Anyway, Żgugina ran to the San Dimitri Chapel over the cliffs weeping her eyes out u hekk, praying to the San Dimitri to bring back her beloved Mattew in return for some oil. Oh, of course the painting at the time was probably just of San Dimitri on his horse. 

Dimitri was really into oil, hold on — crazy shit ensues. 

The man on horseback literally jumped out of the painting and galloped all the way — on sea, to the Turkish galley. Żgugina presumably confused AF sat and waited there crying her eyes out until surprise, surprise! San Dimitri came back all wet with her son.

Dimitri passionately made out with Mattew before throwing the young man off his horse, left a hoof imprint on the church floor, and jumped back into his painting. 

We made up the kissing part, but we really want it to be true, so let’s just pretend that it is. 

Żgugina most probably felt a bit like whhaaaat? but she burnt the oil for St. Dimitri anyway, cos she keeps her word u hekk

Anyway, some time passed and an earthquake took down the chapel with it, hard. The chapel fell into the sea. Legend says that a ship dropped it’s anchor somewhere beneath the cliffs, but it got stuck and one of the sailors had to dive down to retrieve it. 

Since that one sailor did not resurface, the captain sent another one down, details are a bit hazy about this and we’re not sure what the hell happened, but apparently the sailors got the shock of their life when they found this like, whole chapel at the bottom of the sea, with an oil lamp in front of San Dimitri’s painting still lit. For real. So someone built another chapel on land for the guy.

We really need to thank those two sailors for that shredded horse painting in the San Dimitri chapel bro.

Do you know anyone who likes freaky local legends? Tag them in the comments below 

READ NEXT: 11 Super Weird Malta-Only Traditions And Urban Legends

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