Okay, we’ve established that Maltese friends are the best friends you could ever find. But that doesn’t mean that they aren’t prone to falling-out from time to time. In fact, Maltese BFFs have it so much worse when it comes to arguments. Outside our shores, if you tell someone “I never want to see you again!”, there’s a good chance you’ll be able to make that happen. In Malta? yeah, you see what we mean here…
Here’s a few typical scenarios Maltese friendships have suffered for.
1. You told Sarah that you prefer Janine’s house to mine…
…when we were seven years old. Because Janine lives in Madliena and has a pool. Well, so what if my flat in San Gwann is fucking freezing in winter? Do you realise my mum goes through three gas cylinders a week trying to heat it up?
2. You think you’re “something” because you go to a mixed-school
Just because you’ve had sex with three people in your class before you learnt your times-tables, doesn’t make you cooler than me.
3. You got drunk and threw up in my dad’s car when we were 15 and he grounded me for a year
Thanks for that, Sarah.
4. You didn’t wait at least three summers before you hooked up with Stephie
WTF! You knew we were seeing each other for two weeks that summer when I made out with her at Havana!
5. You made such a fuss when I tried to date your cousin
Are you joking? Everyone’s your cousin!
6. You chose to stay in Jason’s farmhouse that one Santa Marija in Gozo, three years ago…
…instead of with us, your oldest friends. Mur magħhom mela, if you’re so cool. You think we care?
7. You didn’t invite me to the Marsa Sports Club because “there wasn’t space”
There was space for your Nanna Doris, Nanna Carmen, your three aunts from Australia, and your second cousin once-removed though, wasn’t there?
8. You have “no idea” how Jason found out I slept with his sister
Well, what about this totally incriminating WhatsApp group screenshot that got sent to me this morning by mistake…? Yeah, that’s right – grovel.
9. You totally copied my style
Uwajma. You knew I was going to buy that jacket from Zara. Come on, there are thousands of other shops you could have gone to!
10. Our parents aren’t friends anymore
And it will be really awkward at the grocer if we’re still BFFs.
11. You posted our selfie from Riviera when I told my boss I was sick
…And also, WTF – I look like shit in that photo!