29 Friends Literally Everyone Has In Malta

It's statistically impossible for you to not know at least one person that fits each description


Faux activists, disenchanted expats and Grade A basses. We've all met them out and about, and (Malta being the tiny island it is) ended up eventually befriending them.

Whether you love them, hate them, or a little bit of both, here are 29 friends literally everyone has in Malta.

1. The friend who knows everything about the Eurovision, even the name of Chiara’s third entry

2. The friend who refuses to ever leave Valletta

3. The friend who freaks out if a barbecue doesn’t have pink sausages

4. The friend who can’t meet a vegetarian without asking why they don’t think plants have feelings too

5. The friend who left Malta because they couldn’t stand it but spends every waking second talking about it on Facebook

6. The friend who can’t have a conversation without immediately accusing you of being a Laburist or Nazzjonalist

7. The friend who refuses to split the bill every fucking time

8. The friend who always orders the most expensive dish on the menu and 17 drinks just because the meal is split

9. The friend who thinks they know everything about dieting and always finds something wrong with the way you’re doing it this time

10. The friend who hates developers but is turning their family palazzo into a block of flats

11. The friend who always asks to meet up but literally always bails in the last minute

12. The friend who doesn’t have a job but spends their whole life travelling the world

13. The friend who is cousins with every single person they meet

14. The friend who prefers to drive around for hours than to pay 50c to a parker

15. The friend who is 45 minutes late to every single event

16. The friend who contradicts everything and everyone for no reason whatsoever

17. The friend who has the lamest jokes but finds himself hilarious

18. The friend who hangs out with people half his age

19. The friend who doesn't know how to cook or clean anything because their mother does it all

20. The friend who passes you the phone bewildered if the person on the other line starts speaking Maltese

21. The friend who refuses to ever order a food delivery

22. The friend who still enjoys Paceville

23. The friend who doesn’t know when to call it a night

24. The friend who invites you to 13 events every month

25. The friend who has to stop and chat to everyone they remotely recognise

26. The friend who knows everybody’s family tree

27. The friend who developed a totally unique accent and nobody knows why

28. The friend who went on Erasmus and now calls themselves a ‘traveller' #Wanderlust

29. The friend who doesn’t study but aces every single exam

BONUS: The friend you always forget to include


Tag a friend who perfectly fits one of these descriptions!

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