1. Is it Spinowla or Speenola?

One thing that really fucks us up is the way we pronounce things.

Probably the best example is the slight difference in the way we say the word Spinola, that tiny area in St Julian’s that houses the eternally-Instagrammed Love sign. Some say Spinowla (with a bit of a posh British twang that’s probably a result of colonialism) and others say Speenola (which has a more Italian, or I guess Maltese, vibe to it).

What’s certain is that if you’ve been saying it one way all your life, you’re likely to flip your shit if you hear it said another way.

2. Can you add cream to Carbonara?

Carbonara isn’t exactly a traditional Maltese dish, but since so many of us like to think we’re Italian, it might as well be.

In fact, when it comes to the big debate about whether or not to fuck up a good carbonara with cream (no bias, promise), we’re just as passionate as the next Roman. And yet, lots of restaurants and families seem to feel perfectly comfortable with corrupting this wonderful dish with that alien fluid.

We’d like to say there is no right answer here, but there is. Lay off the cream and just try to achieve that same creaminess by not overcooking your egg and using some of the pasta water. Or just, y’know, we can’t be friends.

3. Is it pastizz tar-ricotta or tal-irkotta?

If we’re ready to end friendships over pronunciation and food, just think about the rage when we combine the two.

You know that salty crumbly cheese you find in a pastizz or qassatat? Well, in Malta we don’t just call it ricotta like everybody else. We believe we have our own special recipe with its own special name: irkotta.

The difference is so subtle you probably won’t hear it, but once you do, you can’t unhear it. And it should make you mad enough to want to end a friendship.

4. Morning fireworks: WTF?

Who doesn’t love being woken up at 6am with loud AF detonations for no apparent reason? Most people, probably.

But if you say that to someone who fucking loves the festa, they will flip their shit and end your friendship. Why? Because morning fireworks – in all their colourless lack of glory – are a crucial part of the village feast. They’re the rallying call for the rest of the day of celebrations.

And if you love the festa enough, you’d want to be woken up early in the morning to be reminded: this is the day.

5. Is Qormi in The South™?

On an island so sensitive about identity and so willing to divide ourselves into even smaller components, whether someone is ‘from the South’ or not is a hotly contested matter.

With most places, it’s pretty clear: Żurrieq, Qrendi, Birżebbuġa, Birgu, Paola, Marsaxlokk… These are all places in the south. But Qormi? Well, it’s pretty much bang in the centre, touching Birkirkara and Attard, and also Marsa and Luqa. According to Wikipedia, it’s part of Malta’s south-western region. Yah, but nobody says tas-South Western, do they?

So just be careful with this one and don’t make any assumptions unless you’re looking to lose a friend. 

6. High-rises. Love them or hate them?

A more modern ender of friendships is the debate over whether or not we should fill our skyline with towers.

There are two kinds of people: those who mention the word infrastructure within three seconds of a tower being mentioned, and those who give a wry smile instead, with a visible glint in their eyes as they wish Malta becomes New York or Dubai. And as the island becomes a showroom for cranes, this debate becomes even more hotly contested with some people wanting to end all development now and others saying the solution to all of Malta’s construction problems is actually high-rise buildings.

Where do you stand? Would you scrap a friend over this?

7. Voting for a third party

If you think we’re passionate about food, pronunciation and geography, you haven’t seen anything until you feel our fervour when it comes to politics.

If you really want to end a friendship in Malta, try bringing up your wish to vote for a third party just before a general election. You’ve basically got a 95% chance of being skewered and accused of wasting your precious vote.

Then again, it could be worse. You could say you’re not voting. You are voting bro. 100-year-old people on their death beds are airlifted in stretchers to vote in Malta. YOU are voting. (Or losing all your friends…)

Tag a friend you’d probably lose if you had to argue about one of these things

If you still have a couple of friends by the end of this, check out 9 Cool Things You Can Do In Malta With Your Friends If You’ve Run Out Of Ideas