Whether you’d prefer to blame it on Malta’s hot climate or your partner’s uncontrollable appetite, it’s safe to say that many of us have gotten a carnal urge at the most random of moments… and most inappropriate of places.
If a roof over your head is out of the question and you’re looking for the next best (discreet-ish) thing, these are the eight places most of the country has made their sexually frustrated way to in a car.
Many a horny drive has ended along the Pembroke coastline, just off the main road leading down to Paceville. But if you’re looking for a specific place, it’ll probably have to be behind the abandoned buildings near the Reverse Osmosis Plants, for maximum cover.
2. Ta’ Qali
One of the widest open spaces, bang (pun intended) in the middle of Malta, Ta’ Qali has everything your public shagging self could ever hope for. The country’s National Park, some of the largest parking areas and a Crafts Village that becomes practically abandoned in the evening, your only problem will be choosing one spot.
3. Żonqor Point
Basically the south’s answer to Pembroke, Żonqor Point has the perfect ingredients; a faraway location that’s still not too cut off from civilization, enough space to discreetly park your car, and beautiful seaside views for optimal serenading.
4. Baħar iċ-Ċagħaq
Where do you think the name Splash & Fun really comes from? The area behind Malta’s water park is ideal for more than just swimming and delicious hot dog stands… but what we have in mind still involves sausages and getting wet.
The highest point in Malta, Dingli is perfect for sunsets, a bottle of wine, stargazing, and wherever the night takes you after that.
Sure, we don’t have woods in Malta, but we do have Buskett. And whether you venture into the grassy heart or stay in the parking area at the late hours of a random weekday, Buskett can help you achieve whatever your dirty mind is thinking.
7. Top of the World
With a name like that, this place feels like the place to be in an American rom-com. And considering the views from the top and the strategic placement of the benches overlooking it all, it could very well be just that.
BONUS: A roof in Attard… ?
Apparently, we never even needed to leave the house for the best place for a quickie. All we had to do was go up to the roof on a nice day and show the world how they do it on the Discovery Channel.