The only thing more consistent than your monthly barber appointment is the list of events you go through when visiting the hairdresser and cutting your hair.
As the questionable trend continues to hit Malta’s shores, we’ve all certainly had our share of the typical barber experience to give you a snip of the episode you’ll be involved in, here’s our list of events bound to happen when you go cut your hair. Enjoy!
1. The Preferenzi
That feeling when you’ve been sitting down, patiently waiting for your turn, and then you see it. Someone walks in with a smile, high-fives the barber ,and you know you’ve lost it.
“Poġġi poġġi siehbi” Your heart drops and you know you’ve got to waste another 40 minutes waiting.
2. The mother and her son’s first haircut
It wouldn’t be the first time you’re watching a kid getting their first haircut with their rightly concerned mother nearby triple-checking that every single strand of hair is cut to absolute perfection.
The longer the kid’s hair, the more concern for perfection by the parent.
3. Watching every guy get the exact same haircut
If you’re a guy, then there’s only one way to cut your hair, or so they would make you believe.
Shaved sides, leave the top a bit long and drizzle it with dry wax. It’s the standard cut right now. It’s been like that for at least a couple of years, and maybe it’s time for a change.
4. The uncomfortable washing of your hair
“Is the water OK?”
Yes it’s fine, but you’re breaking my fucking neck.
First of all, what is that bowl? If an alien species had to come across our civilisation and saw that monstrosity, they’d surely think we’re into paying for torture.
Please give us the number of an engineer or someone who can create more comfortable ones. We’re willing to pay for that.
5. The initial haircut regret (read: shock)
You finally sit down and look at yourself in the mirror, you know you need a haircut but admittedly, your hair still suits you and is fine.
The barber’s scissors begin slashing your hair, and your confidence begins to waver with every hair fallen off your head (and onto your face). It always starts off great, but the longer it drags on, the more regret seeps in.
6. That one hair which falls on your face and brings you to the brink of insanity
When you got that itch and you can’t itch, it all feels like a royal bitch.
Talk about torture!
You’re obviously not going to say anything to the barber; you’re going to take it like the slug you are, and you’re going to pray the barber turns for a second, enough time to relieve yourself of the itch.
7. The awkward side-glance at the mirror to check out the back of your head
Just when you’re on the verge of tears, the hairdresser puts down the scissors.
It’s finally over, and you just want to get out of there and run home. But then you see it; the hairdresser reaches for the mirror and reflects your naked scalp back at you, asking what you think of it.
Not only do you have to put up with a week of growing your hair for it to become suitable again, but you have to tell the barber that they did a great job without dropping a tear.