Let’s be honest; Maltese family gatherings can get a bit boring sometimes. Every now and then, you need to find a new way to spice things up a bit… and nothing is spicier than some good old family drama.
And if that drama doesn’t happen naturally, here are seven things you can do to give it a bit of a nudge and piss off at least one family member over lunch.
1. Tell everyone you’re going vegan
You can’t eat the lamb and literally every other dish on the menu today, because just this morning you decided you were going vegan. And now everyone has to accommodate to your needs. Maaa how stressful!
2. Bring up abortion/literally any other taboo topic
Bring some diversity to your lunchtime conversation by asking everyone what they think about the fact that you’re pro-choice.
And if that doesn’t work, maybe try asking your nannu for his opinion on illegal immigrants.
3. Refuse to drink
Turn down every single offer for wine, champagne, a beer… anything alcoholic.
Tell your family you’ve made the choice to better your life and they should do the same. And if you’re a girl, scare them into thinking you’re pregnant.
4. Drink too much
If you can’t afford to try out the last option, opt to drink way too much instead.
I don’t even need to explain this further. Piss everyone off and get sloshed.
5. Tell everyone you need to leave early
Finish up your lunch and announce you’ll be leaving early, because you have other things to do.
Don’t even offer to wash your own dishes.
6. Say you don’t like how something was cooked
The pasta was al dente, or the potatoes needed more salt.
It doesn’t matter if your Auntie Rose has been making her couscous the same way for 10 years. Today, you just don’t like it.
7. Bring up a memory that literally nobody wants to talk about
The time Zija Mer got totally wasted at your cousin’s wedding, or when your Nanna crashed on the way to lunch, or when your cousin got into a fight with a waiter at your grandparent’s anniversary dinner.