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9 People You Find In Every Maltese Family

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No matter how old you are or where you’re from, if you’re Maltese, there’s a good chance you’re overloaded with relatives. So print this list out and start ticking the people in your family, and if you can’t find any, you’re probably one of them.

1. The cool zija who knows everyone’s secrets

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Always confiding in her nephews and nieces, she knows all the family gossip before everyone else does. She also has a couple of older stories and rumours to make her even more fun to chat with…and easy to feel comfortable around to share more secrets.

2. The racist who tries (and fails) to be subtle

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Starting a sentence with “I’m not a racist, but…” never ends well, and this family member takes that to an offensive extreme. It’s all fun and games until the connection between last year’s shit weather and the increasing number of illegal immigrants is inevitably made.

3. The one who went rogue and married into a different political party

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The nerve of some people. No one really looks at them the same way ever since they betrayed the family’s colours, but they couldn’t care any less.

4. The inappropriate uncle 

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Always ready to embarrass everyone at a moment’s notice, and probably drunk by the first five minutes of any gathering. A family member introducing their significant other to everyone will probably mention the awkward uncle first as a disclaimer. 

5. The one who’s secretly gay

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They might’ve spent their whole life denying it, but you know. And so does the whole family. Everyone seems fine with this naive front, but deep down, everyone is desperate for them to come out. 

6. The cousins who are more like siblings

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There’s not much of an age difference between these two, and they’ve slowly become inseparable. It gets even more awkward when the two have brothers and sisters of their own but they prefer each other’s company. 

7. The one who’s technically not related to anyone but is always there

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No one seems to know how this person is related to anyone, but they’re always there. They’ve by now become part of the family of course, but if everyone had to sit down and have a proper think, they’d still be lost.

8. The extremely successful one who secretly makes everyone feel like shit

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It can get difficult to genuinely feel happy for someone when they make more money than the rest of the family combined, no matter how nice they are.

9. The long-lost Australian relative half the family never met


Forty seven years later, this relative is finally back from Australia to reconnect. Of course no one knows who they are; they’ve been gone for longer than most of the family’s been alive. 

BONUS: The over-generous nanna

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Bringing all the above characters (and so many more) together with her warm smile and her army of homemade food, nanna’s always got your back!

Tag a cousin and say nothing.

READ NEXT: 9 Things To Tell Your Foreign Lover Before They Meet Your Maltese Family

Sarcastically ironic, Dave is a recovering hipster musician with a penchant for chicken, women's clothes and Kanye.

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