Living with one’s parents certainly has its perks. Like when it’s payday and you’re just happy you can get sloshed at Ħefu Bar’s happy hour while all your friends are crying in relief that they can now afford to pay their Melita bills and buy toothpaste again.
Maltese people, compared to their European counterparts, have a reputation of overstaying their welcome and moving out only when they get married or when they literally have to. Rent is high and we’d rather spend our hard-earned money on our Glanza.
Here are some of the signs it’s high time you moved out of your parents’ house.
1. When you’re 29 and maħta on Sunday morning and still having to pretend you’re going to mass
You instead spend an hour at Ħefu bar, of course. And then have to lie through your teeth about the whole hour to your mother.
Mum: Min qaddes illum?
Me: Mhux dak tas-soltu…x’jismu? Il-boċċu.
Mum: Eh, father Albert.
Me: Dak hu.
‘Vera tkellem sabih illum il-father.’
2. When you’re wearing the modern day version of an għonnella in summer to hide that tattoo you got 6 years ago
Because it’s either that or being disowned.
3. When your mum walks into your room smelling your clothes to see which ones are ‘għall-ħasil’
Because you’re a loser and can’t do your own laundry.
4. That one time you’re 42 and your mum asks ‘Kilt xi ħaġa?‘
…in front of your friends. You also know things are not great when your parents drive to your workplace to bring you the Tupperware packed lunch you left at home that morning.
5. Having to send your parents on a weekend break in order to have friends over
…and when that fails, having to drink Sensation tal-banana in order not to set off any ‘My baby’s an alcoholic’ alarm bells and keep your voices down all evening.
6. Feeling rage when you can’t find anything because it’s your parents’ hobby to move everything around in your room
If I wanted to go on a treasure hunt I’m pretty sure I’d choose a slightly more exotic location like Nicaragua. But thanks. Now give me my joint back. I mean candy ciggy.
7. When literally no matter what you’re watching on TV…
‘Haw x’imbarazz qed tara’?’
(What’s this crap you’re watching?)
8. When you’re tiptoeing into your home after a night out at Clique
Meanwhile, everyone else is having breakfast.
9. When certain sounds bring out the serial killer in you
Said sounds could come in the form of humming, the sound of the blender while you’re trying to sleep, the clinking of cutlery, the sound of chewing, your parents’ shitty mobile ringtone. Anything. As soon as you feel that internal rage, it’s only going to get worse. And that’s a guarantee.
Bonus. When they start asking for rent
Officially time to GTFO.