A (Brief) Beginner’s Guide To Maltese History Part 12: The French Overlords

We left off last episode as 30,000 men on ships and one tiny human were making their way to our islands in search of provisions. This was the 11th of June 1798, and these guys were paving a revolutionary new turn in our island’s destiny.

These hunks were Frenchmen sailing from Toulon to Egypt. Their tiny man-in-command was Napoleon Bonaparte, a small guy in a big world with even bigger dreams. His aim was to expand the French Empire’s influences to Africa and Asia, but first; Malta.

When Napoleon got here, he sent word to Grandmaster Hompesch asking kindly if he and his men could come in our ports to replenish their ships with supplies and stuff. They were kind of a bit short on water.

Hompesch was totally against this and told Napoleon that only two of his ships at a time could enter our ports, since Malta was neutral and didn’t really feel like starting a whole war and everything.

Napoleon, being Napoleon, bombed Valletta, because he’s the honey badger personified. The French directed amphibious operations all over our island and within a few hours, thousands of Frenchmen landed on our shores.

The French Knights, being French Knights and living up to their world-wide fame, deserted the Order and made their escape instantly.

The rest of the Knights we had in Malta kind of tried to put up a half-hearted fight, but with the whole Order being all old, broke and totally past-due, not much resistance was gathered.

The remaining Knights and the Maltese people tried to resist the French, but the resistance only lasted for a couple of hours, and the French won this round.

Mdina fell to the hands of the French almost instantly, and was taken over by this guy with funky hair, General de Vaubois.

Hompesch saw that there was no way for the Knights to win this whole surprise butt-attack, so he negotiated with Bonaparte and exchanged our islands for a secure retirement in France.

The French gave us their word that they would not be touching any of our Church’s treasures.

They also agreed with the locals that they would not interfere with any church matters.

It turns out the French were kind of lying.

They took over churches and convents, stealing a number of riches from these precious buildings, leaving almost nothing behind.

Napoleon travelled to and succeeded in overtaking Egypt, which was totally his OG lifegoal before stopping here.

However he met his arch-nemesis, Lord Nelson, at sea. This resulted in the Battle of the Nile. Normally ,we wouldn’t really care about this, however almost all of the treasures that Napoleon picked off our island were on the ship he was on.

And that ship drowned.

Anyway, we’re not giving enough credit to the French.

They brought along with them the destruction of the outdated feudal system the Knights used, which had been around since the Medieval ages.

Since France was literally just out of the revolution, Napoleon brought along with him his radical ideas. To the Maltese folk, these ideas were literally the devil’s work. We need to understand that they were still used to being super religious and living a traditional life… with zero to no human rights and stuff.

The French were the first rulers to ever treat us as equals. We were now considered on par with them, and not seen as lowly ignorant serfs straight out of a Black Adder episode. All slaves were given their freedom, and we totally got our first ever newspaper.

This was a really exciting time for our island.

The Jews were finally given a synagogue and the Inquisition destroyed. Plans were being made by the French to build the first primary schools ever accessible to everyone and they literally gave us human rights.

But they also started looting churches. And the Maltese people at the time would’ve rather seen their children tortured and murdered than seeing their churches looted.

As always, next week we will be continuing this long and mentally draining saga of Maltese history. Come back to find out why on earth the Maltese poeple decided to literally throw a guy off the balcony like Ray from Ipokriti did to the old guy with the moustache. It’s well worth it, trust us.

Do you know anyone who likes French cuisine? Tag them in the comments below

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