Awards That Should Totally Exist In Malta

Move over Oscars, it's about to get interesting

Lm Cover Hole In The Wall 2 184

With 2017's infamous Oscars mixup being the only thing people want to talk about, we think it's as good a time as any to introduce a bunch of awards that need to be given out in Malta. We're willing to bet that these would all be very close calls... perhaps even closer than La La Land and Moonlight. #TooSoon

1. Longest Time Spent Waiting For The Bus Without Giving Up

Screen Shot 2017 02 27 At 16 17 19

Bonus points if it involves standing in the rain surrounded by grumpy old women complaining about how the bus should've already arrived by now. 

2. Most Pastizzi Consumed In One Session At 3am

Screen Shot 2017 02 27 At 16 33 23

Early morning drunken visits to Serkin always see a couple of people over-order, but the trick to winning this is actually consuming them all. Good luck all ye hopefuls.

3. Biggest Political 'No-One-Cares Award'

We've recently had our fair share of political scandals, but we've also had countless moments when we couldn't really care less about a "breaking political news" or a politically-charged comment that ends up being shared all over the internet. 

4. Most Creative Racehorse Name

Screen Shot 2017 02 27 At 16 55 46

With names like Power To Be, Digital Motion, Joker De Choisel, Blizzard AD, Midsummer King, and Ouch already being actual names for Maltese racehorses, this is going to be one very difficult award. 

5. Best 'Ħaqq Alleċ Erġajt' Pose At The Attard Speed Camera

Screen Shot 2017 02 27 At 17 02 34

A photo competition with a difference. People send in shots of them realizing (a little too late) that they've yet again fucked up the 50km/h limit in Attard. The photo that shows the rawest emotion wins; simple.

6. Most Passive Aggressive Restaurant Review

Screen Shot 2017 02 27 At 17 11 47

Spend an hour or two on Trip Advisor to read reviews for any Maltese restaurant, and you won't only come across hundreds of food experts posing as ordinary people, but also the largest collection of passive aggressive reviews. The hard part is just choosing one winner.

7. Largest Number Of Saints Dragged Into A Rant While Swearing

Screen Shot 2017 02 27 At 17 16 25

We all know at least one person who would be a strong contender to winning this award, and that's what makes this honour as difficult to attain as it is horribly relatable. 

Tag a friend who deserves to win one of these awards!

READ NEXT: 7 Things Malta Ranks Extremely High At

Written By

David Grech Urpani

Sarcastically ironic, Dave is a recovering hipster musician with a penchant for chicken, women's clothes and Kanye.