In Malta, Eurovision obsession is palpable and undeniable. But, not all Eurovision fans are willing to air their interest in insanely catchy Euro-pop glory in public. A lot of Maltese people consider themselves to be above the Eurovision fanfare. They read books, go to the theatre, enjoy thought-provoking cinema. They don’t do Eurovision. Or at least, they don’t admit they do it.
The truth is that they’ve known the lyrics to every Maltese Eurovision entry since they were toddlers, and they needlessly resent themselves for it. Well, we’re calling into session the first Secret-Eurovision-Lovers-Anonymous meeting. Here’s what we all need to own up to today.
1. We cry whenever we listen to The One That I Love
We tell ourselves that Chiara is above and beyond the Eurovision, and that this song belongs in a ballads hall of fame, no matter what it was written for. And that for f***’s sake she was robbed!
2. We never make plans on ‘contest’ night
And then reluctantly accept any Eurovision party offer that comes our way, always remembering to drop a “uwijja, it will be funny and I don’t have anything better to do” when everyone’s listening.
3. If we do have to miss it, we rush home to YouTube
And always think Malta gave a solid performance. Even if they placed second to last.
4. We know more Eurovision trivia than anyone
Passing it off as having to listen to all our lame-ass friends talking about it, and not admitting it’s because we’ve actually read the Wikipedia entries for every winner (including ones from before we were born).
5. We use a quirky, alternative Eurovision entry as a front for your full-on obsession
“French indie singer, songwriter and multi-instrumentalist Sébastien Tellier’s entry for the 2008 contest was really interesting – a rare moment of Eurovision quality.” We tell people, whilst curatingyour secret playlist of the most sing-along-able entries in Eurovision history.
6. We agree whenever someone says the country spends too much money on the Eurovision
But actually cannot begin to imagine a world without it.
7. We forget about our charade when we meet a foreign Secret-Eurovision-Lover
The ‘smug-and-above-it’ routine will only hold out till we meet someone from another country who’s equally as coy about their Eurovision interests. (We’re looking at you, Ireland). Before we know it we’ve spent an hour discussing why Anna Vissi’s Everything from 2006 is still one of the best entries we’ve ever heard.
8. Try as we may, we can never deny the lump in our throat
Every year, every time Malta comes on. Cue the mandatory admission: “He/she did well ta. I have to admit.”
9. We cannot wait till we actually win
We feel like it will happen in our lifetime. If nothing else, we’re holding out till Destiny is old enough to bring it home.