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Cringy Fashion Trends In Malta Throughout The Centuries

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Malta has seen its fair share of cringe-worthy fashion trends throughout the ages. Most of these horrific trends came from the rulers and conquerors we had through history, however we still engaged in them because as it happens, when a new ruler comes in, they also bring jew fashion trends with them — be it good or bad ones. 

Speaking of bad ones, we have compiled a list of terrible fashion trends Malta has seen throughout the centuries.

1. Prehistory 

We don’t even want to start talking about this age; people either wore the carcass of their victims as loincloths. Ew.

2. 720 BC

Phoenicians

In 720BC we saw the coming of the Phoenicians — now we know from where the Sliema housewives get their kaftan inspiration from.

3. 533 AD

Byzz

The Byzantines practically owned the whole world at one point. Their Empire lasted from the year 285 to 1453, however they still wore some pretty drab ass shit. 

You can tell that this crew of basic bitches all wore tan, white or blue bullshit so heavily that an artist’s rendition of a crowd of Byzantines is shown in block splotches of colour.  The only Byzantine we are willing to vouch for is Justinian I, that guy and his collection of beaded crowns were lit af.

Just

4. 1091 AD 

Normns

The Normans were clearly a bit too overenthusiastic about headwear and dramatic poses. The falda-like drapes thrown casually over their shoulders seem to tell us that they like to sweep off dramatically while giving everyone the mental image of a windblown vagina. 

5. 1530 AD

Kni

The Knights. 

If not for the colour choice, they could’ve rocked this outfit, jaħasra.

6. 1551 AD

La Vallette

Twenty years later, and these guys are still at it. 

Look at that. Taf what this is? You know those cars with pimpin’ stickers on them? Like the ‘Wish you trillion times what you wish to me’? or ‘Għajnejk f’sormi’

The Knights were doing that before cars were even thought of — on their tunics. 

7. 1565 AD

442 4403

Again, these guys are incorrigible. 

Their fashion choices leave us a bit confused. The Knights brought with them many great things, but fashion was clearly not one of them. 

We wouldn’t be caught dead with those fradal.

8. 1837 AD

510Px Gianni  Street Musicians In Traditional Maltese Costume

That boy in the middle was nominated Cringe King of the 19th Century. Why would he wear a Santa hat when it’s clearly not Christmas? Boy you crazy. 

9. 1900 AD

1900S

This look is reminiscent of Bram Stoker’s Dracula, honestly.

10. 1986 AD

It’s not that we have an issue with the clothing, the clothes look really cool. 

But that overload of mullets is killing us on the inside.

11. 2000 AD

The Noughties were horrendous, and they don’t really need much of an explanation.

Just watch the video above and you will understand what we mean. 

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