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‘Dik L-Umdita’ Kollha Bro!’: 7 Things All Balding Men In Malta Have Definitely Said

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Going, going, gone. The daily struggles of hair loss are very real, and everyone deals with them in their own ways. But no matter how you choose to tackle your ever-vanishing crown, you’re bound to externalise it with a couple of reasons we’ve all heard before.

Whether you’ve started noticing early signs of thinning or are currently going through the woes of a disappearing mane, here are seven things you can definitely relate to if you’re a Maltese man who’s had to come face-to-face with balding.

1. “It’s just the lighting…”

The early stages of denial, and one we can all relate to on a crucial level.

This isn’t really happening, promise. It’s just my bad angle. It’s the lighting. It’s literally anything else, except the thing I’m terrified of.

2. “It’s genetics ta’ ħaqq”

Hereditary-pattern baldness is actually the most common cause of hair loss, so this one holds water.

Because yes; when possible, we’ll blame it on our entire family tree if need be.

And let’s face it, a little self-pity goes a long way on this island. “Kollox minn naħa ta’ missieri ħi li blajt jien!”


3. “Actually, this is only happening cause I have high testosterone…”

OK, so let’s unpack this one.

Firstly, male pattern hair loss is believed to be due to a combination of genetics (God knows we’ve already covered that one) and the male hormone dihydrotestosterone, or DHT.

A male sex hormone that’s responsible for everything from the maturation of the penis during puberty to the growth of facial hair, DHT is one of those things that you don’t want too much of.

High levels of DHT can shrink your hair follicles, causing hair to grow out looking thinner and more brittle… and even fall out faster.

But screw all of that science mumbo jumbo; I have a high level of a hormone with “sex” in the title? How bad can it be, am I right?

4. “Dix-xemx bro…”

You know you live on a sunny island in the heart of the Mediterranean when literally everything and everyone reminds you of that fact on a daily basis. And blames all their woes on it too.

Having a bad day? It’s just too sunny out today.

Didn’t get that job you wanted? It was a bit too hot on your interview day and you felt flustered.

Losing hair? Yeah, it’s that big ball of fire in the sky.

Side note: research suggests that UV radiation can damage your hair… but the damage will mostly be confined to the hair shaft, not the actual follicle responsible for growing new hair. In other words, find a better excuse.

5. “This whole thing skips a generation…”

Going off the whole genetics issue but delving even deeper into patterns and family trees, this is one extra level of self-pity.

Because nothing says “I’m a helpless victim of genetics” than a cruel caveat that skipped a generation just to get to you.

“Bħan-nannu ħrigt sieħbi!”

6. “This island just stresses me out man”

I mean, fair enough I guess.

In between endless traffic jams, week-long heatwaves and queues wherever you go, this island is as loud and chaotic as they get.

And after all, high levels of stress have indeed been proven to exacerbate issues connected to hair loss.

But it’s always hilarious to imagine Malta – much like your bużnannu‘s genetics – out to specifically get you and only you.

7. “I swear it’s this blasted humidity!”

If there’s one thing that will never not be discussed in Malta, it’s our high levels of humidity.

And whether you’re trying to think of some small talk on a bus stop or you’re trying to justify why your hair is looking lighter and lighter every single day.

Sadly, there’s science backing this one up again: humidity will almost always result in frizzy and uncooperative locks – not to mention increase the chances of hair loss.

Ugh, nature.

BONUS: No matter what it might be… there is a solution.

If you’ve recently embarked on the joyless journey of hair loss, you’ll pleased to know there is a way of bringing back your luscious locks after all.

Say hello to Niumee.

Getting a hair transplant has never been easier… or more worth the price tag, it turns out.

With surgeons and nurses looking over you in a private clinic setting, the whole process becomes safer and cheaper than having to go abroad.

As it stands, new technologies and practices have allowed the full procedure to only cost €3,500.

High success rates and reliable aesthetic results have made hair transplants a great way of claiming back those lost locks.

Follicle Unit Extraction is the most advanced hair transplant surgery developed… and it’s available right here in Malta.

While it permanently restores natural hair growth, FUE only causes minimal discomfort and does not involve incisions or bleeding.

A person must have a good donor site from where hair may be taken and moved to locations on the scalp where it is needed. If an individual does not have a good donor site, then the transplant cannot be performed.

Also worth noting is the fact that the procedure cannot be performed on people who are completely bald… so start planning ahead if you’re seeing signs of hair thinning.

It’s normal to see some of the new transplanted hairs falling out in the three to five weeks following the procedure; a new hair-growth cycle will begin in the following three to five months. Complete results are seen within six to 12 months after the Follicle Unit Extraction.

And if the results available from Niumee are anything to go by, this really is your best bet to bringing back your hairy heydays.

Niumee is holding an Open Day where you can get a free consultation!

On Saturday 7th March, you’ll have the unique opportunity of not only getting to know more about what FUE entails… but you’ll also get a free consultation with hair transplant nurse-expert Lawrence.

So if you’ve been thinking about this for a while now, this is your perfect opportunity to do something about it and get the next chapter of your life on the road!

If you’d like more information on Niumee’s Follicle Unit Extraction procedure, check out their website.

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