In case you needed any reminding, that callous we call St.Valentine’s is around the corner. Some believe there’s someone for everyone, and while we can’t confirm that hypothesis, we can confirm that there are at least 14 types of men for you to choose from.
1. The Bland AF One
It is unclear whether he has the personality of an amoeba or has lost his tongue, yet once he does eventually say something, conversing with him is like trying to draw blood from a stone.
A: Hey, how are you?
B: Hi, good thanks, you?
A: Good, you?
‘X’ isswipejajt-right tagħmel, Ġaħan?’
2. The Over-Enthusiastic One
The one you can’t get rid of (until you unmatch). He ends all sentences with an exclamation mark or two, showers you with compliments and gives you his number two minutes after matching in the hopes of meeting up. Great for your ego, not so great for much else.
3. The Pompous Douche
No society (virtual or otherwise) would be complete without at least one douchebag posing in a Polo shirt in front of a yacht. Whether it is his yacht – as he would like you to believe – or not, is irrelevant. Do not feed his already over-sized ego and just swipe left. This will save you hours of listening to endless bragging and zero interest shown in you.
4. The Philosophical One
He strives to inspire people wherever he goes, Tinder being no exception. His description is some life quote and how he is looking for his soul mate. Could be worse, I guess.
5. The One Who States His Height
His only description is ‘1.94m‘ or he might play the fool with an extended: ‘1.94m, since it’s apparently important.‘
6. The one without a picture
7. The Billy Jean
A.K.A the one with a picture holding a child and stating the child isn’t his in his description.
8. The Model
This breed comes in many forms. Normally sporting a shitty hairstyle, he may be found posing in front of his Glanza, against a wall in some għalqa, in front of a mirror or at the gym. There is no substance to him.
9. The one who’s 34 but is clearly 13
Well done for getting this far through life – god knows how you’ve done it.
10. The one who’s 34 but is clearly 50
11. Your Cousin/Teacher/Mechanic/Postman/Gynae
12. Your Friend’s Boyfriend
Thanks for putting me in the worst position of my life.
13. The Hippie
You swipe right because he’s cute and looking for ‘the ultimate travel companion’ but end up spending the rest of your life acting like you’re a nature-loving vegan.
Bonus: The One That Gets Away
The one that’s totally your type. The diamond in the rough. The moment you thought would never come. Too bad you got so used to swiping left that your fingers swiped left. Shock horror. #MadonnaNO.
May the odds be ever in your favour this Valentine’s, just don’t count on it.