Last weekend Malta was dominated by New York Best’s billboard saga, which saw Da Vinci’s Last Supper edited with pizzas, fries, and shakes. It quickly escalated to national crisis level, with the head of Moviment Patrijotti Maltin filming himself ripping out the face of Christ from the Msida billboard.
With so many people debating whether or not the billboard was offensive and what the Apostles would actually eat and drink in 2017, we couldn’t help but imagine a Maltese Last Supper, and what that would mean.
1. The ends of the table would have gossip galore
Because it’s not a proper Maltese meal until you’re trying to get all the scoop about the person who’s literally sitting right next to you.
2. There’ll be one inappropriate person who takes it too far with the dirty jokes and comments
Yes, we get it Josmar; there’s a woman at the table.
3. There’ll be a guy who’ll say no to the wine and whip out his own protein shake instead
He might want you to think his elbow is just casually resting on the table, but everyone knows he’s just flexing on purpose.
4. Everyone will be discreetly stuffing their face with bread
Cue the high-pitched defensive arguments as soon as you jokingly point out how much of a pig someone’s being.
5. There’ll be guy with a huge Rolex and a Ralph Lauren polo shirt who betrays everyone by bringing 30 baggies of something inappropriate
It’s going to be a long party.
6. At least one person will stand up and leave the table a couple of times
Call him impatient, call him extremely busy, but it doesn’t seem like he has more than 15 straight minutes to spare.
7. And another one will want to pay less because he didn’t drink wine
Never mind having actually agreed to split the bill before anyone ordered anything.
8. The host will be on panic mode
Never mind miracles with pieces of bread and fish; modern-day Maltese Jesus will probably make way more food than everyone needs. And then some.
BONUS: If it’s a last-minute thing, they’ll probably order New York Best
Because let’s face it; the Apostles were people too and that shit’s delicious.